This story is based on some predictions I made based on rumours I heard before season 6 started. Of course, I turned out to be completely wrong, and the way the series is going now is much better than my ideas.
But what if…
Title: Falling Star - part 1
Author: chronic
Feedback: Advice, criticism and abuse all welcome. This is my first fic, so please be gentle…
Summary - Alternate W/T story arc for season 6.
Spoiler Warning: Up to and including "All the Way"
Disclaimer: Joss owns all, I own nothing.
Rating: PG
Notes: The story begins shortly after All the Way. Assume the other major storylines (Buffy and Spike, Xander and Anya, Dawn's stealing etc) are happening, unless I contradict them.
Here we go…
The baby's cries filled the room.
"Congratulations Mrs Rosenberg, you have a beautiful baby daughter."
The nurse wrapped the child in a blanket and carefully handed her to her exhausted mother. Sheila Rosenberg looked lovingly down at her daughter, then up at her husband. She couldn't remember ever seeing a grin that big on his face. Ira Rosenberg put a hand on his wife's shoulder. "You're sure about her name?" he asked. They had tried to pick one boy's name and one girl's name, but had been unable to narrow the list down to one of each until yesterday. He still thought it was a strange name - suggested by his sister - but Sheila loved it. Said it would "make her feel more of an individual." He took his child in to his arms, and if possible his grin grew even bigger. "Welcome to the world, Willow Rosenberg."
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Ellen MaClay held her sleeping daughter tightly in her arms. She looked up as her husband entered the room. John MaClay hadn't been present at the birth, of course. That wouldn't be proper. He came and stood by the bed. "A girl" was all he said.
Ellen winced. She had tried not to think about how her daughter would be treated by her family. She remembered how her father had "controlled" the beast inside her during her childhood. She remembered the look on John's face the night her father had told him about the family curse, about what he was marrying. But he had married her anyway, and he "controlled" her too. You will be stronger than me, she thought. You will be stronger than all of us.
"She needs a name" Ellen said. "I thought maybe…"
"We'll name her Tara" John said. "After my mother."
Ellen had expected no less. She smiled down at her daughter. You may be named for someone else, she thought, but I promise, you will make your name your own, Tara.
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Willow loved waking up in Tara's arms. Every morning when she returned to the waking world, the first sensation she had was of those arms holding her, and for a few seconds, that was all that existed. Then the rest of the world would fade back in to Willow's mind. When she was younger, Willow had hated those first seconds of each day, before she remembered who she was, but now she cherished them. They made it so clear that with Tara holding her, nothing else mattered.
A brief frown wrinkled her forehead as she remembered their fight last night. Sometimes she still had nightmares about their last fight. She would endlessly relive the moment when she saw Glory, tearing away Tara's mind, knowing she would never reach them in time. And what was worse, she knew that Tara had only been on her own, vulnerable, because of the fight. Still, she had sorted out last night's problems, and there was nothing to worry about. Things were good between her and Tara again, and that was all that mattered. Willow rolled on to her side, and pulled Tara closer. Tara made a small noise, still half asleep, but she tightened her hold on Willow, returning the embrace.
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"Resurrection spells are notoriously unpredictable, and there are few documented cases of complete success. In most cases, the spell had no effect. In others, the attempt to reach the spirit world allowed other creatures to enter ours, usually resulting in the deaths of all involved. In cases where the deceased was brought back, the subject was often so damaged that they were no longer recognisable as human, mentally, if not physically. Even in cases where the subject appeared to be the same as they had always been, they often found themselves unable to cope with their literal new lease of life."
Giles looked up as a shadow fell across the page he was reading. "Xander. Shouldn't you be at work?"
"Lunch break" Xander said indistinctly, his mouth full. He waved the rest of his sandwich to make his point.
"Lunch?" Giles asked, looking at his watch. "oh, so it is. Lost track of time."
"Good book?" Xander asked, pointing at it with his sandwich.
"Oh, um, yes, very interesting" Giles said, closing the book. "I've been doing some research on the spell Willow did."
Xander pulled up a chair and sat down. "It did work, right? I mean, Buffy came back. All reanimated and everything."
"Certainly" Giles said. "Yes, I think the spell succeeded as best it could. But Buffy has undoubtedly been affected by her experience."
"Well, yeah. Tortured in a Hell dimension and all" Xander said. "I think she's doing pretty well for someone who's been through what she has."
Giles looked at Xander as he leaned forward. He was always the first of all of them to come to Buffy's defence. Sometimes even before Giles. It reassured him, he knew he could count on Xander to do what was needed, even if he couldn't.
"She's avoiding responsibility" Giles said. "All her responsibility. Last night, when she left me to deal with Dawn, it was just the latest incident. She has to learn to stand on her own again."
"What are you saying, that we stop helping her?" Xander asked, disbelief evident in his voice.
"No, no, not at all" Giles reassured him. "But we have to know the difference between helping her, and doing things for her."
"Ok" Xander said. "So we make sure she doesn't ditch her responsibilities."
Giles looked down, unable to meet Xander's eyes. "I'm not sure I can" he confessed. Off Xander's look he continued. "I cant' say for sure that if Buffy asks for my help, I won't give it to her if its something she needs to do by herself." He looked up at Xander. "I need you to look after her. To decide when she needs out help, and when she should stand on her own."
It was Xander's turn to look away. He understood what Giles was asking, not just to look out for his friend, but to make sure he and the others only did what was best for Buffy, even if they wanted to help more. In short, Giles was asking him to be Buffy's Watcher, to take on the responsibility that he felt unable to carry. Xander looked Giles in the eyes and nodded. "Understood."
Giles nodded, then smiled to break the somber mood. If he was honest with himself, he hadn't really liked Xander when he first knew him. But of the man Xander had grown in to, Giles was very proud.
Xander shivered, as if trying to shake off the seriousness of their conversation. "so" he began. "How did things go with Dawn last night?"
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"It sucked" Dawn said. She lay on her bed, her feet on the pillow. Tara lay beside her with her head by Dawn's feet.
"Aw, tellings off always do" she told Dawn. "But you know it was only cos he was worried." Her voice grew quieter. "We all were."
"I know" Dawn said reluctantly. "But it still sucked."
"I know" said Tara. "But it could have been worse."
"How?"
"He could have done this!" With that, Tara grabbed Dawn's feet and began tickling them. Dawn shrieked with laughter. "Get off, get off!" she cried between giggles. Tara relented with a giggle of her own.
"So how are you guys?" Dawn asked. "Things seemed a little, I dunno, intense last night."
Tara frowned. "What do you mean?"
"In the kitchen, when Will made those decorations?"
The witch's frown deepened. "I don't know what you mean, Dawnie. Everything's fine with me and Will." A sudden sense of unease gripped her. She thought back to the party, but she couldn't remember saying anything to Willow about the party decorations. And she knew she should have, it was a frivolous use of magic. But for the life of her, she couldn't remember why she had stayed silent.
"Well, that's all kinds of good. You two are so made for each other." Tara smiled at that. Secretly, she suspected that she had been made for Willow. She'd always known there was something missing from her life, and that something was Willow Rosenberg.
"But she's not gonna save you."
"W-w-what?" Tara stammered, shaken from her thoughts.
"From me!" Dawn cried, grabbing Tara's feet and tickling them mercilessly. Both girls exploded in to a fit of giggles.
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Willow turned when she saw Xander looking over her shoulder, a small smile on his face. She raised an eyebrow when she saw what he was looking at. Anya stood before the till, swaying and waving her arms.
"You really do that every night, don't you" Willow said.
The ex demon nodded. "The dance of capitalist superiority. I could teach you?"
"Thanks, I'll pass" the witch said, turning in time to catch Xander chuckling to himself. She turned back to her computer.
"Whatcha doin' Will?" Xander asked.
"Paperwork for the house. You know, paying bills, budgeting, stuff like that."
"Shouldn't Buffy be doing that stuff? I mean, it is her house."
"Well, I live there too. Besides, I'm better at this kinda thing. And Buffy still isn't herself."
"Yeah, about that…" He was interrupted by the sound of the bell as Tara entered.
"Hey" Willow said. "I was just about to come home. Something wrong?"
Her lover shook her head. "Just thought I'd walk you home" she said, sitting down.
"Aw" the redhead said, taking her hand and resting her head on Tara's shoulder. Tara waved at Xander, who smiled back.
"Xander!" Anya called from behind the counter. "Come help me with this!"
"I live to serve" Xander said, rolling his eyes as he stood, and made his way over to the till.
"Will, I need to ask you something" Tara began. Willow raised her head and turned to look her in the face. "Did we have a fight yesterday?"
"A, a fight?" Willow echoed. "Don't be silly." Even she noticed her voice was too high pitched.
"Dawn s-said that we were arguing at the party. Ab-bout the d-decorations. But I can't remember. I can't remember saying anything about the decorations, a-and I know I should have…"
Willow tried to think straight over the clamouring voices in her head. Oh god oh god oh god oh god…
She took Tara's hand, more to buy herself time to think than anything else. I cant' lose her I can't please don't let it happen it can't happen I won't let it I won't let it happen.
"Willow?" Tara's voice shook, and she couldn't bring herself to look Willow in the face. She knows something, what does she know, why hasn't she told me?
"Tara, we, I mean, I…" Willow's voice froze. Her mind was now completely empty, except for one thought. I can't lose Tara I can't lose Tara I can't lose Tara…
She didn't even make a conscious decision, the word simply came to her lips. "Forget."
Tara blinked, then looked down to where Will was still holding her hand, and smiled shyly. "Home?" she asked.
"Home" Willow told her, and grinned widely. She was glad things were ok between them again. They stood and called out their goodbyes. "See you tomorrow!" came Xander's answering cry from the basement.
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"Will you pass the salt?"
"Huh?" Buffy said, coming back to Earth with a bump.
"Can you pass the salt, please" Tara repeated.
"Oh, sure" Buffy passed it to her, and Tara sprinkled some in to the pan. It was strange, when she was at home she had hated cooking, but she didn't want to leave her mother to do it all. And then Mom got sick, and Tara did all the housework. Cousin Beth helped when she came to live with them, but that girl was good at looking pretty and not much else, in Tara's opinion. Of course, Dad and Donny couldn't be expected to do women's work.
But here, she loved cooking. She'd never say it out loud, but she was the best cook in the Summer's house. Besides, she enjoyed helping out. Even helping Dawn tidy her room, and that wasn't a job for the faint hearted. She had once told Will that she didn't feel useful, and her lover had told her she was essential. She didn't believe that, at least, not as far as the other Scoobies were concerned. But she did feel appreciated, and that was more than enough. They were here family.
She glanced over at Buffy, who was lost in thought again. She worried about the slayer. Obviously they couldn't expect her to get over what she had experienced in the afterlife, but she seemed to be becoming less and less connected with the everyday world, content to just drift through life. She turned back to her cooking. She'd talk it over with the others. She didn't like talking about Buffy behind her back, but something clearly needed to be done.
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Willow stared at the crystal in her hand. Although to the normal eye it hadn't changed, she could see that it was blacker, now that it was powering a second forget spell. She knew it wasn't right to cast a spell on someone without their permission, but she was doing this for good reasons. She was making sure that she and Tara stayed happy and together, with nothing to come between them. What reason could possibly be better than that? She nodded, knowing that she was doing the right thing, and slipped the crystal in to her pocket. She took a sprig of Lethe's Bramble from a plastic bag, and hid the bag behind a book. She knew that if Tara found the herb, it would upset her, knowing that Willow had such potentially powerful ingredients in the house. And Willow wouldn't let anything upset her baby.
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"Come in" Dawn called.
"Hey Dawnie" Willow said as she sat on the younger girl's bed. "How ya doin'?"
"Good. Done my homework, tidied my room, learned my lesson."
"Dawnie, I didn't mean…"
"Its ok" Dawn said apologetically. "It was a dumb thing to do." She looked down. "I'm sorry I made you worry" she said quietly.
"Hey, its ok" Willow said, putting an arm round Dawn's shoulders. Dawn leaned in to her. She looked down, and saw that Willow was fiddling with a piece of grass or something, rolling it between her thumb and forefinger.
"Dawn" Willow began. "What did you see at the party?"
"I-it wasn't like I was spying or anything" Dawn said, panic in her voice. "I just walked in and heard you arguing."
"Dawn, its ok." Willow patted the crystal through her pocket. "I wanted to have a word with you about it, that's all."
Part 2
Willow smiled with a small flash of pride as she took the book out of her bag. The front cover said that it was suitable for 8 year olds, and she was only five, yet the teacher had given it to her. She sat on a bench at the edge of the playground, and started to read as the other children played.
"Hey Willow" a voice said.
She looked up just in time to see Xander run past her, with Jesse in hot pursuit. Jesse caught up with him, slapped him on the arm and shouted "tag, you're it!"
Willow smiled. Xander was already too far away to hear, but she said "hey" anyway. She liked him. She didn't know him that well, and they only saw each other at school, but he was the only person who always greeted her, and the only one who never made fun of her for reading when the other kids were playing. She looked over and saw Xander chasing a group of kids on the other side of the playground, and grinned as he tapped one on the shoulder. Suddenly her view was blocked by a dress. As she looked up, a series of thoughts ran through her head. First she wondered who would buy their daughter such an expensive dress, just for school. Then she wondered if that was the sort of thing that a five year old should think. Then she wondered why her mother never bought her anything nice. By this time her gaze had reached the head above the dress.
Cordelia Chase arched her eyebrows. "You're not in the class room" she said as she grabbed the book out of Willow's hands. "What's wrong with you?" A small group of girls clustered behind Cordelia giggled dutifully.
"N-nothing." Willow stammered, turning red. "Th-there's nothing wrong with me."
"Oh really?" said Cordelia, waving the book about. "Well I think you're a freak." The Cordettes giggled again.
Willow sat there, trying not to cry. She knew that if she did they'd make fun of her for weeks, but she could feel the tears forming.
"Leave her alone" a voice said.
"What?" Cordy exclaimed. The idea of someone telling her what to do had never occurred to her.
"And give that back" Xander demanded, snatching the book out of Cordy's hand.
"What's your problem, Alexander?" Cordelia stressed the use of his full name. "Why d'you wanna hang out with this loser?"
"Yeah" said one of the Cordettes, "Is she your girlfriend or something?" The girls exploded in to yet another fit of giggles.
"So what if she is?" Xander demanded. The Cordettes stopped giggling, and turned to look at their leader. Cordelia stood, arms folder, staring at Xander. And Xander Harris stared right back.
After a few seconds, Cordy turned away. "Come on, lets get away from these nerds" she said, striding off. The Cordettes looked at Xander and Willow, then turned and followed. Xander sat down on the bench and handed Willow her book. "Ignore Cordelia" he said. "She's mean but… well, she's just mean." Willow just stared at him, a huge grin spreading across her face.
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Tara and Donny sat side by side on the floor in front of their mother's chair as she told them about the world. About how it isn't what you can see that's important, but what you can't. About magick. Tara loved to hear her mother talking. When her father was around, a mother spoke quietly, her voice barely above a whisper, but when it was just them, her voice was clear and strong. On the nights when John MaClay worked late, she would gather her children and teach them things that had been handed down by her family for generations.
"Do a spell, mom" Donny said. He was seven now, and it was clear he'd rather be out playing with his friends. The only reason he stayed was the magick his mother occasionally showed them.
"Not today, honey" Ellen said.
"When are you gonna teach us some spells?" he whined.
"I told you, when you're older."
"I bet you don't know any spells. Not real ones. Dad says magick's not real, its just tricks to fool stupid people."
Tara didn't understand her big brother. She loved to listen as her mother taught them about the Goddess, about the spirit world, about things that seemed far more real to her than this world.
They all turned as they heard the key turn in the door. "Go and get cleaned up for dinner" Ellen told her children. She stood and greeted her husband as he walked in. "Is dinner ready?" he asked.
"It'll be 5 minutes" she told him. She had begun dinner earlier in the evening, the cast a stasis spell a few minutes before it was cooked. She knew it was a frivolous use of magick, but it was the only way she got to spend time with the children, away from John. And she knew how important it was to teach them the truth. John had decided they would tell Tara about the curse when she was ten. Ellen shivered, despite the warmth of the kitchen. She knew she should hate the demon part of her, but she couldn't believe it was as evil as her family had told her. She never felt the urge to destroy, to take without giving. She tried to remain in harmony with the world, and only use magick responsibly. She had to make Tara understand that she was not the evil thing her father would tell her she was.
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Buffy and Willow walked side by side through the cemetery. "You didn't have to come with me Will."
"I wanted to. Spend some quality time."
"As long as its not that you guys think I'm not on the ball."
Willow came to a halt. "What? Buffy…"
Buffy took a few more steps, then turned to face her. "I've noticed the looks, Will. And the conversations that suddenly stop when I enter the room. And, I admit, I'm not a hundred percent right now, but I have been out of it for a while. Like, really out of it."
"Buffy, its not that." Will tried to grin. "We know that when it comes to the slayin' you're the gal to call. But you must admit, you haven't been with it lately…"
She was interrupted by a growl. They spun, to find three vampires emerging behind a crypt. "Willow, go!" Buffy shouted, and charged the vamps. Willow back away as Buffy attacked, knocking one to the ground with a series of kicks, then starting on the next. She turned, and saw at least 8 vampires coming towards then from the opposite direction.
"Uh oh." Willow turned, and saw that one of the vamps was dust, but Buffy was still fighting the other two. She turned back to the vamps approaching her. Her mind rapidly considered options. She didn't think she could levitate 8 stakes at once. Suddenly, in a flash the answer occurred to her. She thrust out her hand, and a stream of fire burst from it, striking the lead vamp. She moved her arm like a flame thrower, torching all of them. They collapsed, burning, to the ground, where they struggled briefly, then dusted. Will turned to see Buffy dust her second vamp. She crouched low, then kicked up at the third, knocking its head back. Two punches knocked its arms out of the way, then she rammed the stake though its heart. She turned to face Will.
"Phew, that takes care of…" her eyes widened as she saw the 8 piles of smouldering ash.
"Did…you do that?" she asked hesitantly.
"Yeah, I, er, well, you seemed busy" Will said with a smile. She swayed a little. "Woah. Ok, that left me a little tired."
Buffy quickly walked over to her and supported her. "Ok, come on, let's get you home." As she put her arm around Willow's shoulder, Buffy saw something that made her stop. "Will? Let me see" she said, turning the redhead toward her.
"What?" asked Willow, worried.
"Your eyes" Buffy told her, a note of horror creeping in. "They're black."
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"Really, guys, I'm fine" Willow protested. She sat on the couch, Tara on one side, Buffy on the other. Dawn, Xander and Anya all peered in to her eyes.
"It really is very disturbing" Anya said. "Are they gonna stay like that?"
"No, they should go back to normal pretty soon" Willow assured them. She turned at a worried rug on her arm.
"What spell did you use?" Tara asked, her concern showing in her eyes.
"That's the thing, it wasn't a powerful one. Not like the spells I used against Glory. It was just a simple ignition spell."
"The kind of thing you used to light candles?" Giles enquired as he entered the room. Willow nodded. "But that would produce a spark, a small flame at most."
"Well, I… pushed harder" Willow said. At Giles look of confusion she elaborated. "I cast the spell like normal, but with more force. I put more power in to it."
"That…, isn't that dangerous?" asked Tara.
"Do you know something about this sort of thing?" Giles asked her.
"Just…, my mo…, I was told never to do something like that." She looked away.
"Well, at a guess I'd say it could be dangerous" Giles said, ignoring Willow's frown. "You shouldn't use more power than necessary when casting a spell, its like… trying to power a toaster with a million volts. You'd blow a fuse."
"But, I was careful. I knew what I was doing" Willow protested.
"You can't have, honey" Tara said. "You can't have known how the spell would react to that much power. You could have burned your arm or something…" she fell silent as Willow turned away from her and addressed the room.
"Look, there were 8 vamps coming for me, and Buffy was already fighting 3. There wasn't time to consider the options. And if I hadn't done it, we'd both be dead by now."
"That's true" Buffy said, stroking Willow's arm. "She did save us both."
"W-well, certainly" Giles blustered. "But in normal situations, I think you should be very careful in how you use magick."
"I am, Giles" Willow said, a slight note of exasperation entering her voice. She stood and walked to the kitchen. "You don't have to treat me like a child."
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Willow made herself a drink. 'What is their problem?' she thought. 'Buffy saves the day and its "hooray for Buffy!" I get us out of trouble and everyone tells me I did it wrong.' She turned to see Dawn standing in the doorway. "Oh, hey Dawnie" she said, without enthusiasm.
"I, ah, just wanted to say, I think it was pretty awesome, what you did" Dawn said, shuffling her feet uncomfortably. A huge grin lit up Willow's face, and she ran to hug Dawn.
"I bet it was cool, too" Dawn said. Willow pulled back from the hug and grinned again. Dawn's pale blue eyes looked in to Willow's, which were still jet black. "It was. It was very cool."
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Xander Harris surveyed his masterpiece. A string of elastic bands stretched between two branches, forming a catapult. A gang of boys stood around, admiring this weapon of mass destruction. "Cool" Jesse said. "What can we fire?"
The boys looked around, then one of them pointed at a girl sitting on the grass, playing with a doll. "Lets get her Barbie" he said. "She'll be the first doll in space!"
Xander looked over at the girl, and realised it was Willow. Ever since he had stood up to Cordelia for her, they had been spending more and more time together. He thought about what Cordelia's friend had said. 'I dunno, maybe she is my girlfriend' he thought. 'she is my friend. And a girl…' They certainly got on well. She even helped him in class. And she never did stupid things, like Jesse was about to.
"Yeah, Jesse said. "Xander, go take her doll."
"What?" demanded Xander as he turned away from Willow.
"Take it. We're gonna make it fly" Jesse told him, with a sadistic grin.
"No."
"What's the matter?" another boy asked. "Chicken?"
The other boys started making chicken noises. Xander looked around nervously. He could cope with people making fun of him, but not when it was everyone ganging up on him at once. "Ok, ok" he said. "I'll do it."
Willow looked up as a shadow fell across her. "Hi!" she exclaimed happily when she saw who it was.
"Hi" Xander said as he squatted down in front of her. He looked uneasy, and kept looking over his shoulder at a gang of boys.
"What's up?" Willow asked.
"Um" was all Xander said. With that, he grabbed the barbie and ran over to the boys. For a few seconds Will was too shocked to move. Then she jumped to her feet and ran after him. When she reached the boys, she saw the elastic stretched, with Jesse holding barbie ready to launch.
"Give it back!" she yelled. Jesse just laughed, and let go. The doll went flying through the air, over a fence and in to a garden. The boys all started laughing. Willow's lip trembled, and she fought to stop from crying. Then she turned and saw Xander, staring at the ground, and the tears turned to anger. Her best friend, the one person she thought really liked her. She'd never felt like this before, not even when Cordelia and the other's teased her. She felt like her anger was strong enough to reach out and punish him. "I hate you!" she screamed, and ran home. Xander just stood there, staring at the ground, as his friends jumped about and laughed.
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Tara and Donny sat at their mother's feet, as she told them once again of the responsibilities that come with power. Tara listened, totally absorbed, but Donny's attention wondered. After a while he leaned back and sighed. "This is boring. Can I go outside and play?"
"Donny, this is important" his mother told him.
"Yeah, I'm trying to listen" Tara said.
"You shut up!" Donny shouted, raising his fist to hit her.
"Donny!" his mother cried, outraged. "You must never raise your hand in anger! Especially to a lady!"
"But Dad hits you when you don't do what you're told" Donny said. "I saw him."
Ellen visibly paled, and Tara flinched. She had seen her father strike her mother, but had tried her best to forget it.
"Your father doesn't always act as he should" Ellen said coldly.
"He says a woman should know her place and do as she's told. I'm bored."
Ellen looked at her son for a long moment. She closed her eyes, as if coming to a decision. "Go and play, Donny" she said quietly.
"Yay!" Donny jumped up and ran out of the room.
As he left she said quietly "You're your father's son." For a moment she just sat there, staring in to space. Tara grew nervous, seeing the disappointment in her mother's eyes. Suddenly, Ellen came back to Earth. "Now, where were we? One day you'll be a powerful witch, you'll be able to do great and powerful things. But you must be responsible. Magick should never be used lightly, its not a toy. And you must never use it to harm another…"
Tara sat before her mother, and took it all in. She would always remember these lessons, and, apart from her mother's love, they were the only memories of her childhood that she cherished.
Donny never came to hear his mother's teachings again.
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Willow sat on the curb outside her house. Despondently, she picked up a twig, broke it in to pieces, then threw the pieces as far as she could across the road. Her parents had grown tired of her moping about the house, and had told her to go play with her friends. They still realised that Willow didn't have any friends. Not any more.
A shadow fell across here, then someone sat beside her. She knew who it was, and looked away. Xander placed something on the ground by her feet. She looked down, it was her barbie. She looked up at Xander, saw the scuff marks on his elbows and the tear on the knee of his jeans. He must have climbed the fence to get the doll back.
"Sorry" said Xander in a small voice. Willow nodded and picked the doll up.
Xander looked uncomfortable, and still wouldn't look at her. "Friends?" he asked.
Willow's world was well and truly rocked. No one had ever bothered to apologise to her before. No one had felt bad about the prospect of not being her friend. She turned to Xander, grinning from ear to ear. "Friends."
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Part 3
Willow hurriedly took the books out of her locker and stuffed them in to her bag. She looked at her watch, if she ran she'd just make it to class in time. Someone came up to the next locker. "Hey Xander" she said without looking up.
"Oh, you wish it was your little freak friend" a voice said. Willow looked up to find Cordelia looking down at her. As she stood, more girls moved in, forming a semicircle around Willow. She recognised Harmony, Aura and several others of Cordy's crowd of followers.
"Someone told Principle Flutie that we were smoking behind the gym" Cordy began.
"Why'd we do that, anyway?" butted in Harmony. "It made me cough."
"Because its cool, moron" Cordy said, without once looking away from Willow.
"I-I didn't tell" Willow stammered. "I-I wo…"
"Oh, I don't think it was you" Cordy said. "You wouldn't have the guts to cross me. But we've all got detention, and that makes me angry. Which means I need someone to take it out on." The Cordettes moved in closer. "Which is where you come in."
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Willow dried her eyes as best she could. She'd missed class, she was sure she'd get in trouble for that. And after school she'd have to try and find where they'd left her bag. They'd also swept the contents of her locker on to the floor and kicked then about. They'd laughed as she dropped to her knees and gathered it up again. She couldn't get the sound of their laughter out of her head. She knew being 13 was supposed to suck, she'd read her mother's books on teen angst. But surely it shouldn't be this bad?
She knew the Cordettes were pathetic, following Cordelia because she was cool. And the main reason they laughed as they tormented her was because they were glad it wasn't them. She told herself she was proud to be her own person, instead of sucking up to the popular ones. But deep down she knew the real reason was because she be no good at that, either. She sucked at sucking up. She was useless at being anything other than what she was - plain old Willow.
She washed her face, then glanced at the door. 'If this was some teen soap' she thought, 'my best friend would come in now to make sure I'm ok'. The door remained closed. No best friend for Willow. She sighed. One thing she had learned was that if no one's gonna help you, you have to do it yourself. She went to look for her bag.
--------------------
Tara walked down the school corridor, keeping close to the wall. No one even glanced at her as she passed, which was fine by her. She walked in to class and took her normal seat by the window. She enjoyed looking out at the school gardens when lessons got boring.
The rest of the class took their seats. Tara knew most of their names, but hadn't said more than a few words to them. They weren't like her. They were human.
She still didn't know how to take that news about her, and it had been three years since The Talk. Her father had sat her down and told her about the evil inside her. How she should try to keep away from decent folk, lest she corrupt them or hurt them. She'd run to her room, crying, till her mother came. She'd told her that it wasn't just her, that all the women of their family had the demon. That it wasn't what you are, but what you do that's important. That was the night they'd first cast a spell together. Tara smiled at the thought of performing magick. Anyone watching her might have wondered what she was smiling at, but no one looked at Tara.
--------------------
Tara watched from the bed as Willow walked across the room. Her eyes had finally faded back to their usual green. She trusted Willow, she really did, but she was worried. "Willow?"
Willow came over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Yeah?"
"You are careful, with the magick, right?"
Willow frowned briefly. 'Why doesn't anyone trust me?' she thought. 'I know what I'm doing.' She consciously softened her expression. "Of course I am. It was just, tonight, y'know, 8 vamps, I had to do something."
"I know. But, you don't use really powerful spells at other times? Like, experimenting?"
"Tara, no." Willow's eyes glanced at the black crystal on the bedside table. "Have you ever seen me use magick without a good reason?"
Tara smiled. "No. And I trust you. I just worry about you."
Willow climbed under the covers and snuggled up to her lover. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
--------------------
Willow dropped her bag heavily on to the magic shop table. "Phew, when they make those reading lists, they really don't take the weight of the books in to account."
"That's cos they don't expect anyone to read every single book on the list" Xander said from his chair. "Good day?"
"Goodish. Nothing special." Will told him as she dropped in to her seat.
Giles came around the counter and joined them. "And how is Buffy?"
"Oh, she's fine" Willow said. "Same old Buff."
"I'm not so sure about that" Giles said with a frown. "She's drawing in to herself, letting other's do everything for her."
"Well, sure, she's not all proactive with pep, but she was dead for 4 months. We just have to help her get back in to things."
"I think we're helping her too much" Giles said, taking off his glasses and cleaning them. "She's avoiding her responsibilities."
"So you want me to stop helping her?" Willow asked, her brow beginning to furrow. "I know what this is. You don't trust me."
"What?" Xander exclaimed.
"Willow, no…" Giles began.
"This is about me on patrol last night, isn't it? And me taking care of Dawn, and Buffy. You think I'm gonna mess up."
'Why won't they trust me?' she screamed silently. 'I've tried so hard to show them I can help, and they tell me not to.'
For a second she was a teenager again, helping people with their homework in the home they would be her friend. She pushed that feeling aside. 'I am strong, and powerful, and they can depend on me' she told herself.
She forced herself to calm down. "Look, I know we have to help Buffy readjust. But that's my point. We have to help."
"I know how painful it is to watch someone you love in pain" Giles said. "But sometimes we have to let people work it out by themselves. We can't solve their problems for them."
"I get that, I really do, but I'm not gonna deny Buffy help if I think she needs it." Willow said adamantly. "Like last night. You think I should have let her fight all those vamps on her own?"
"Will, that's not what we're saying" Xander told her. "Just, give her space. Don't do everything for her."
"Ok, message understood" Willow snapped, getting to her feet. "I'd better go, I'm cooking dinner tonight. Unless you think I should make Buffy do it." With that she picked up her bag and walked out. Giles and Xander exchanged uneasy glances as they watched her go.
--------------------
Tara slumped in to an armchair. "What a day!" she complained. "You'd think they could co-ordinate lectures so they're near each other, but no. Three times I had to walk the entire length of the campus!"
"Aw, you want a drink?" Dawn offered. Tara grinned at her and Dawn went to the kitchen. Tara looked across the room to where Buffy slouched, staring at the TV. "You have a good day, Buffy?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, fine." The slayer's gaze never left the screen.
"That pile of washing up is starting to grow. How tall do you think it can get before it collapses?" she asked, false-casual. Buffy's gaze flicked to her her, then away, completely ignoring the lame humour. Tara leaned back, staring at the ceiling, and sighed. They really had to do something about Buffy's apathy. She'd talk it over with Willow when she got home.
Thoughts of the redhead bought a smile to her lips, as they always did. There were some other things they'd have to do when Willow got home… her train of thought was derailed by Dawn's return. She accepted the offered glass of lemonade with a smile, then turned as she heard a key in the door. "Will?"
"Hi baby" her lover's voice called from the kitchen. Tara stood and walked to the hall. As she reached the kitchen, the smile on her face faded when she saw the sink, empty and shining as if it had been scrubbed.
"What happened to the washing up?" she asked, a horrible suspicion forming.
"I did it" Willow said as she gathered what she needed to make dinner.
"You did it? Like, just now did it? With magick?"
"Yeah. Well, I needed the sink to chop the veggies" Willow told her, holding up a handful of carrots."
"You couldn't have washed them the old fashioned way? I'd have dried up for you" Tara said, a look of dismay on her face.
"Tara, what's wrong? I know, hardly a life threatening situation, but what's wrong with using magick to help?"
"Will, I know you mean well, its just, you use magick all the time."
'Not her too!' Willow thought. "Tara, don't you trust me? Cos, I thought we'd dealt with this."
"No, no, I t-trust you!" Tara insisted, "Its just…" Just then, Giles let himself in through the kitchen door.
"Room for one more?" he asked with a smile.
--------------------
They finished eating, and Willow and Giles carried the plates in to the kitchen. When they returned, Tara had already gone upstairs. Willow left to join her, and Dawn went to do her homework. Giles sat down, and looked at Buffy. She was still slouched, staring in to space now the TV had been turned off. "So, are you going to help me do the washing up?" he asked.
She frowned. "Do you mind if I don't? Really not feeling up to much today."
Giles nodded and moved to the kitchen. He had actually washed three plates when he realised he wasn't following his own advice. And he had been the one who told Dawn to do her homework. He sighed. This wasn't working. He knew Buffy looked to him as something of a father figure, and he had always had a father's pride in her. But part of a parent's job is to know when to let go, and let their children make their own way. And he wasn't doing that. Couldn't do that. "I'm standing in the way" he whispered.
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Willow stood on the threshold of the room she shared with Tara. She had always felt safest here, but now she felt like an intruder. Tara sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from the door. "Tara?"
The blonde witch tilted her head, but didn't turn round. Willow climbed on to the bed, moving to sit behind Tara, and put her arms around her. "Tara, what's wrong? Is it the magick?" Tara nodded.
Willow fought to stop from shouting. 'Even you don't trust me' she thought. What do I have to do to show I know what I'm doing? I bought Buffy back, you'd think that would be enough'.
"Tara, do you trust me? Do you trust me with magick?" Tara closed her eyes and said nothing. Willow closed her eyes and leaned forward, till her forehead touched the back of Tara's head. She concentrated, and soon a picture formed before her eyes, a picture of the inside of Tara's mind.
It was a riot of colours and shapes. Some of them were a mystery to her, other's she could put a name to. A blob, the ugly colour of a bruise, was her feelings towards her family. Traces of the colour showed in other places, Tara's deep rooted insecurities. They had talked about some of them, but others, when Tara tried to speak, she stammered so much that Willow couldn't understand a word.
Willow turned, and saw a column of blinding golden light, reaching from floor to ceiling. If a mind could be said to have a floor and ceiling. Willow smiled, this was Tara's love for her, still as strong as it had always been. Willow had known it all along, the issues Tara had with her use of magick were just a misunderstanding. One she could now correct.
She searched about until she found what she was looking for, a dull red coloured thread. This was Tara's trust in Willow. She grasped the thread, and poured energy in to it. The thread grew brighter, until it was a brilliant scarlet. Will smiled, releasing the thread. She closed her eyes, and felt herself withdraw back in to her own mind. When she opened her eyes again, she was looking at the back of Tara's head. She moved the hair to one side and kissed the back of the blonde's neck. "Tara, do you trust me?"
She nodded. "Yes. I worry sometimes, but you know best."
Willow grinned and kissed her neck again. Tara gasped as Willow continued with the kisses, working her way down to her shoulder. Tara turned and kissed her, then pulled her in to an embrace. They fell on to the bed, giggling, and kissed again. Tara's thoughts were filled with nothing but Willow as the redhead climbed on top of her, then bent down to kiss her again. Willow was her world, and nothing could intrude on that. She didn't even notice when Willow used a spell to close and lock the door.
--------------------
Willow poured herself a glass of water and drained it in a single gulp. Now THAT was the best way to spend the evening. She turned as Buffy entered the kitchen. "Hey Buff, watcha up to?"
"Patrol" Buffy said unenthusiastically.
Willow looked at her doubtfully. A miserable slayer wasn't gonna be much good to anyone. She thought of Tara upstairs, sleeping the sleep of the thoroughly satisfied. She'd be ok on her own for a few hours. "Hold on, I'll come with you."
--------------------
Buffy flew through the air and smacked in to the side of a crypt. "Buffy!" Willow cried, running to check on her friend while keeping an eye on the huge demon rapidly advancing on them. The slayer's eyes fluttered, she was only half conscious. "Buffy, you have to wake up!" The demon was only a few feet away now. It roared, anticipating its triumph. It raised one huge hand ready to strike, it talons glinting in the moonlight. Its fist dropped towards them, terrible and unstoppable. Willow flung out her hand, and energy crackled from it, arcing like electricity. The demon screamed, trapped in a web of power. The energy grew brighter, till Willow had to shield her eyes. With one final shriek, the demon evaporated. The witch smiled faintly, then collapsed on top of Buffy.
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Willow awoke to find herself being carried. She looked up. "Buffy?"
The slayer smiled down at her. "You saved us Will. I came round just in time to see you blow that thing away."
"Oh. Well, good" the redhead replied, still only half awake. 'I beat it' she thought 'but it totally wiped me out. If there had been two of those things…' she shuddered at the uncompleted thought. She couldn't let them come that close again. 'I have to find a way to use the big magicks for longer' she thought. 'I need more power.'
Part 4
Willow let herself in and made herself a drink. "Did you have a good day, dear?" her mother called from the living room. Willow walked across the hall before she answered.
"It was ok" she said, ignoring the fact that as soon as she'd asked the question, her mother had gone back to reading the paper in front of her. "We've got a new girl starting next week."
"That's nice dear"
"The rumour is she got kicked out of her last school for burning down the gym."
"Oh" her mother replied, still engrossed in what she was reading. Willow sighed and went upstairs. She threw herself on to the bed and thought about what had happened that day. She had overheard Xander and Jesse talking in class. "So, man" Jesse had said. "What's the what with you and Willow?"
"What?" Xander had exclaimed.
"C'mon, you know you could."
"Jesse, c'mon, its Willow. We're just friends."
'Just friends' Willow thought bitterly. 'Just Willow. Plain old Willow. Dull, boring, Will. The kind of girl guys are just friends with.' She flicked on the radio, and, as is so often the case, found the song matched her mood perfectly.
"You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?"
"I don't belong here" Willow sang along.
"I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I wanna perfect body
I wanna perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so very special…"
Willow didn't wonder why people didn't notice her, she knew. It was because she wasn't worth noticing. She was in the background, or part of the background, for other people's lives. There were a hundred things she could do to get her parents attention, stealing, drugs, whatever. But what would be the point? They'd yell at her, send her off to rehab and forget about her again.
She knew her intelligence made her special, but few people seemed to care. Some of the teacher's got excited, but the students who bothered to notice usually took offence. How dare she be cleverer than them? She kicked off her shoes and pulled herself up the bed so her head was on the pillow. She didn't like the next song that came on the radio, so she turned it off. Willow stared at the ceiling and sighed. She wished she had something that made her special. Made her different. Made people notice her, respect her, love her.
--------------------
Tara climbed the stairs, one hand on the banister, the other balancing a tray. She reached the top, knock on a door, then entered. "Mom? I bought you lunch."
Her mother sat in bed. "Oh, thank you honey" she said weakly.
"How are you feeling today?" Tara asked, placing the tray on her mother's lap and sitting on a chair beside the bed.
"Better. These new pills seem to be as good as the doctor said." She gave a weak smile.
Tara looked closely at her mother. She looked better, but was still deathly pale. It had been 6 months since she became ill. "The wages of sin" her father had said. "Moral corruption causes physical corruption." Tara didn't understand. Her mother the demon had been nothing but loving to her, always been there for her. Her father the human… her mother had never hit her. Never told her it was for her own good, to control the demon.
"Honey, are you ok?" her mother asked when Tara had been silent for a few minutes.
"Huh?" Tara came out of her thoughts. That was just like her mother, asking how she was when she was the one who was ill. Was dying…
"I'm fine mom. I'd better go, I've still got chores to do." Tara stood, kissed her mother and made her way to the door. "I love you."
"You're a good girl, Tara" her mother told her. "Have you been keeping up with your studies?" Tara grinned. She knew her mother was referring to the magicks she had taught her, rather than any schoolwork.
"Yeah. I'll never be as good as you though."
Ellen MaClay leaned back against the headboard, exhausted by the effort of conversation. But she smiled. "You'll be as good as you can be. Go do your chores, I'll see you later."
As Tara walked back downstairs she couldn't help but smile. Her mother was irrepressible, she let nothing keep her down. Tara wondered if she could become like that. She definitely wasn't now. As if to prove her point, her spirits fell as her father called her name. "Tara? Have you cleaned the kitchen yet?"
"C-c-coming" she called. 'One day' she hoped. 'One day I'll be free of this.'
But not today.
--------------------
"I can't believe he's leaving."
"I know. I thought when he came back he'd be staying for good this time."
Tara and Willow walked arm in arm. They had just met at the magic shop, where Giles had announced his intention to leave. Buffy had run out halfway through his goodbye speech, and Xander had gone after her. Dawn trailed behind them, staring at the floor.
"Dawnie?" Tara called, looking back. "I'm sure she'll be fine. She's just a little upset."
"And we wouldn't want that, would we?" Dawn said bitterly. "Can't have Buffy being upset."
Will and Tara exchanged a worried look. "You go on ahead" Tara whispered. "I'll hang back with Dawn." Willow nodded her agreement, then strode ahead. Tara stopped and turned, waiting for Dawn to catch up. Tara fell in beside the teen, and gave a hesitant smile. "So, wanna talk about it?"
--------------------
Willow let herself in and when upstairs to her room. She guessed it would be a good 20 minutes before Tara and Dawn got back, so she may as well put the time to good use. She knelt before the bookshelf, and pulled several books out to reveal another book. She picked it up and flicked through it till she found her page. She lay on the bed and began to read.
The book was mainly about the spells magick users had once used to fight each other. Most of them were considered too difficult to be practical, and anyway, the use of offensive magick was prohibited, or at least frowned upon, by all the groups who knew of its existence. The book had been in the loft of the magick shop, where Giles kept the more dangerous objects. Willow had taken it without asking him, she knew he would disapprove of her little research project. 'If only they would trust me' she thought longingly. 'I know what I'm doing, and this will help me keep us all safe.'
She heard a key turn in the lock and quickly hid the book. She lay back on the bed just as Tara came in. "Hey. How's Dawn?"
"Ok, I think." Tara said. "Just feeling a little unappreciated."
"Aw. We'll have to have a Dawnie day soon" Willow said as Tara joined her on the bed. "So" she continued, a sly grin spreading across her face. "You gonna show me how appreciated I am?"
Tara grinned, and moved in to kiss her. "Vixen."
--------------------
Giles looked up from packing his case as someone knocked on the door. He glanced at his watch. 11.30, everyone he knew should be in school, college or at work. Except Buffy of course. He desperately hoped it was her, he needed her to understand that his leaving was for the best. He got up and answered the door, to see Tara standing there hesitantly.
"I, ah, came to see if you need any help. With the packing" she said, gesturing at his cases.
"Oh, I've nearly finished. But you can help me tidy the room."
She looked at him quizzically. "Giles, it's a hotel. They pay people to clear up."
He looked slightly embarrassed. "Oh, I know. I just hate to leave things untidy." He looked up at her again. "Shouldn't you be in class?"
"Oh, I, ah, w-well…"
Giles grinned. "One of those days?"
"Kinda. Speaking of leaving things untidy" Tara said as she moved in to the room. "I think Buffy knows why you have to leave. She just doesn't want to accept it."
"I hope you're right." Giles said, sitting down on the bed
--------------------
"How can he leave now?" Buffy wailed. "I can't do this on my own, I, I can't…"
"Ssh, its ok" Willow said, hugging her tightly.
"No its not!" Buffy cried in to her shoulder. "He's leaving me!"
"Yes. Yes he is" Will said. "And it hurts, I know. But he has his reasons." She tried not to let the doubt she felt show in her voice. To be honest, she didn't understand Giles logic either.
Buffy's next words were muffled as she buried her face in her best friend's shoulder. "It'll be ok" Willow said, kissing the slayer on the top of her head. "I'll do anything I can to help, you know that. I'll take care of you. I promise."
--------------------
"Giles, can I ask you something?"
Giles turned at the nervousness in the witch's voice. "Of course."
"Are you worried?" Tara continued. "About Willow?"
He took off his glasses and began cleaning them. "I take it you are?"
"I-I trust her. I do. But the power she has, the things she's capable of…"
"I know" he said. "Bringing Buffy back was an amazing accomplishment, but the risks… its not the sort of thing a person in their right mind should ever contemplate, no matter how confident they are of their abilities."
"In their right mind? Are you saying…"
"I'm not sure what I'm saying. Certainly, rescuing Buffy from hell was a noble goal, and her grief would have clouded her judgement. But her attitude seemed to be that the ends justified the means." He paused, frowning. "A very dangerous thing to believe." He looked up and saw the panicked expression on Tara's face. "I don't think we should worry too much. One of the things I've always admired in Willow is that she puts her friends above all else, and will try to help them, no matter what. You just need to make sure she considers all the options and implications, before she takes drastic action."
Tara nodded, looking slightly reassured. Giles glanced at his watch, and stood up. "Well, the taxi should be here any minute." Tara stood and hugged him. As they embraced, Giles said quietly in to her ear "look after them for me."
Tara pulled back and nodded, beginning to tear up. She followed Giles down to the street and waved as the taxi pulled away.
--------------------
"So he's really gone" Xander said. The others remained silent. They sat around the Summers living room.
"Poor Buffy. I hope she's ok" Tara said.
"Where is she, anyway?" Xander asked. "Its getting kinda late."
"I'll find her" Willow said, standing. "I think she just needed some time alone." She pulled on her coat, called "back soon!" and left.
She walked down the street, looking up at the darkening sky. She knew exactly where Buffy was, she'd gone to the Bronze a couple of hours ago, saying she couldn't handle the assembled scoobies talking about Giles. But Willow had not intention of finding Buffy. The girl needed some time to herself, for crying out loud!
Initially Buffy had planned to go out for a few hours, and then patrol, but Will had told her to take the night off. The slayer had protested briefly, but quickly agreed when Willow promised to patrol. The witch smiled in the dark. 'At least Buffy trusts me.'
--------------------
The scream shattered the night. "Oh my god!" Sarah cried. "That was Gary! It got him!"
"We don't know that" Nathan told her, but he also recognised his friend's voice, screaming in pain.
"We've got to get out of here!" Daniel cried, and the three of them ran down the street.
The four of them had been on their way to the Bronze when it attacked. Nathan didn't know how to describe it, it moved so fast it was a blur. It had run straight at them, knocking them to the ground. Gary had run, and the thing chased him. And judging from the screams, it had caught him.
"What is it?" Sarah wailed.
"I don't know, I've never seen anything move that fast."
"Is it following us? Its gonna come for us, isn't it?"
Nathan paused. Sarah was probably right, it was coming for them right now. Took her hand, and the three of them ran down an ally.
--------------------
Willow walked down the street, enjoying the feel of the cool night air. She heard voices and stopped to listen. They were raised in panic, obviously running in fear. She ran towards them.
--------------------
Buffy finished her beer, and signalled to the barman for another. "And, and, he left. Everybody leaves. Don't wanna stay near Buffy" she rambled drunkenly.
Spike looked at her worriedly. He hated seeing her like this. Obviously he didn't want to see her in pain, but at least when she was fighting him, or telling him to piss off, she had passion. Full of fire, full of life. Now she just seemed empty. Unless you counted all the alcohol she'd necked. Spike tried to take the bottle the barman had just given her. "I think its been enough for tonight, luv" he said. Buffy knocked his arm aside without effort, the drink hadn't lessened her strength.
"No. Not enough" she said, raising the bottle to her lips. Spike sighed, and ordered himself a whisky.
--------------------
"Come on!" Daniel cried, running ahead of the others. He reached the end of the ally, and turned to face his friends. "Come on!" he shouted again.
Suddenly, in a blur of movement, Daniel was gone. Nathan's mind tried to piece together what had happened. The creature that hunted them had run straight at Daniel, picked him up and carried him away. As if to confirm this, Daniel's screams came from beyond the mouth of the ally. Nathan and Sarah turned and ran back the way they had come, terrified. Nathan pulled ahead, then slammed in to an invisible barrier. He crashed on to his back, his nose bleeding. Sarah, panic stricken, began pushing at the barrier, trying to find a way through.
"Sarah. Sarah, stop" Nathan said, getting to his feet. "We can't run anymore."
"That's right" a voice said behind them. They turned and faced their hunter.
--------------------
"Shouldn't they be back by now?" Anya asked. "I mean, there's only so many places Buffy could be."
"Maybe Buffy didn't wanna come home right away" Xander suggested. "Maybe they're talking."
"Or maybe Willow decided she wanted to patrol again." Anya said. They all turned to face her. "What, I'm just saying. She seemed to get a real kick out of it the last few times she went."
"She just likes to help. We all do" Xander said, frowning. He knew Anya disapproved of his going on patrol too.
"Willow knows what she's doing" Tara said. "She wouldn't get herself in to something she can't handle." Tara's voice was filled with confidence in her girlfriend, but they all saw her worried frown.
--------------------
"What do yo
has to save the day and 'find' 
!!!