Author .: Trish
Disclaimers:
All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. This is solely for my entertainment. Please do not copyright this story.
Spoilers: Season 6. Um, this happen before WIllow and Tara got back together. LOl cuz this them getting back together.
Summary: Willow is far, far away from home. Now just wait and see how she gets un far far away from home.
Rating: PG ?
Author's Note: This is my first fic. Well more like my first story. I have been thinking about this for a while and always have been to scared to try. LOL. I seem to have good idea's they just come out some how rather muddled. Possibly because I have dyslexia (took me 5 mins to figure out how to spell that word and prolly spelt it wrong anyway) But my brave english tutor has offered his help to me. So I give him many thanks and I want you all to know that with out him this fic would not be possible. All feed back would nice. Even if it tells me i am the worst writer in the world. Cuz yeah I wanna know. I am sorry for any mistakes in my fic..there are a few.
Note Just would like to thank these people BBL, Jul. These people are great and I love them lots. Oh and Aim just met her, I hope you read this fic. *thinks for a sec* I HOPE YOU ALL READ THIS FIC. Hehehe. UM....ah..i think that is all..
Soul Shatter chap 1/2
By: Trish The Squish
Starting school had always been so exciting for Willow, new things to conquer, new people to impress, and a simple, reliable routine that Willow always loved having. Not this time though. Fear, Helplessness, and confusion but her determination would see her through. Of course not being in Sunnydale, without your friends, and Tara, might have something do to with these feelings . Just thinking about her hometown made Willow feel like breaking down and crying. Memories started to flood Willows, over whelming her into controlled silent sobs of the heart. Get out! Just get out. Take what you need and leave. Don’t you dare bring you’re sorry dark magic ass back until your better!!!!!!! YOU HEAR ME! YOU ARE NOT GONNA HURT US ANY MORE, WILL! I AM SORRY! The angry hurtful words of her x best friend played in her heart. A silent tear streamed down her face. I’ll get better; I’ll try no matter what, even if it kills me! I will get my family back. Another tear plagued her emerald eyes. No, you have to stay strong for Tara! You have to stay and prove that you are ok now, that you wont hurt them ever again. Stick to the plan. Now all you have to do, Rosengburg, is find your class!
The U of Alaska was all right. It had a good academic reputation but that hadn’t been why Willow had chose this school. It had been because this was the only school that would accept her and it would get her as far away from Sunnydale as possible.
Willow rushed through the halls not wanting to be late for the first class, of her new life. Damn it! How am I gonna convince them that I am better when I can’t even find my first class.
“Need any help?”
Willow jumped at the voice that was right behind her.
“ Me?”
The Gothic and yet strangely elegant girl smiled. “Of course you. I don’t see any one else around.”
Willow took a long look around and noticed that the halls were very much empty, except for her and the strange Goth. Panic filled the red head as she realized that she was late for her first class. I screwed up! Again!
“O, right,” Willow said almost desperate. “Do you know where professor Arins class is?”
“ Egyptian Culture and Life Style?”
Willow just nodded with relief.
The friendly Goth just simply and motioned with her finger for her to follow. She seems just as out of place as I do. I am glad she is my class, I might actually get some partner work in this semester. Wonder what’s her problem. She seems like she is only half there.
“ The P.A. won’t mind that your late, she is very cool that way.”
“P.A.?”
“Prof Arins. It has become her nic name around here. She is a great proff and loves it when people show character, so I am sure you’ll do just fine,” the Goth mentioned as she guided Willow into a large circular cheery classroom.
“You’re late!” A shrill voice called out from across the classroom. P.A. didn’t seem mad at all only little annoyed.
“ Sorry, P.A. but I was picking up a lost wanderer.” She motions towards Willow.
P.A.’s smile instantly brightened. “Lovely. What’s your name Hun?”
Willow, a little put off by the casual atmosphere stammered, “ Willlow.”
“How original,” P.A. stated with excitement.
“Take a seat everyone. Your essays shall be due on the forth. Remember because I won’t remind you again.”
The casual atmosphere there changed into a working frenzy that Willow knew all too well. The class passed smoothly and it was even enjoyable. Willow walked out of class, feeling excited for the first time in a while and it felt great.
……………..
“ Hey! Willow!” The Goth ran after her down the hall.
Did some one just call my name? Na, no ones even knows me here. Must be hearing things again. Damn it! I thought I was through this part of the withdrawal.
Is she deaf or something? Whoa, I haven’t seen a deep depression look like that for a long time. Erica thought.
Willow jumped as someone put a hand on her shoulder. Willow spun around with quickly reflexes –that where made from long nights of vampire hunting – to face her attacker, with hands ready to fight.
“ Hey, just saying hi. No need to whack my head off!”
“O, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to, you just scared me!”
“I did call your name.” At this Willow seemed to have brighten up.
So I am not insane then!
“ I am Erica. Anyway I know you’re knew here and well, I thought maybe I could show you around or something?”
“SURE!” Willow said with great enthusiasm. “ I mean, yeah that would be great, thanks.”
“No prob, girl. Look, I got to head out to classes soon and I won’t be free till later tonight and then I though I could take you to a party at one of the frat houses…so you can get to know people. Meet me here around nine. Ok? Erica rushed off in a hurry- not even hearing Willows answer -in order to get to class on time.
People. This is bad. I am going to be at a party, with people! What if I hurt them? STOP IT WILLOW. If you’re going to get better, you need to be out with the scary party’n people. It will be like a test. I can do this , Willow thought to herself but she filled with insecurity.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………
Nine, she did say nine right. Willow thought anxiously as she checked her watch for the tenth time. I can’t believe I am doing this. I am going to a party! With people! People that are going to be starring. Look at the poor little le girl. They’re not gonna like me and I am going to get kicked out. Ill do something really stupid like spazz out, like I use to and wreck my new life. I can’t do this. I can run away, I am gonna get better no matter what, but I can’t I am not ready for this. This is like the dream where I am slave to all the evil people pumpkins. O, I hate that dream. I am always chained to a chair in a dirty evil little room. Forced to take out the deeds of the dead pumpkins. Willow starts to panic at the thought of seeds filling up the room making it impossible for Willow to breath. The seeds never stop, and I can never stop. I can’t breath! O, GODDESS! I got to get out! I don’t want to die like this.
“ Hey Girl,” Erica came around from the side of the building snapping Willow back in to reality. “ Sorry I am late, I had to ditch some ass-holes, who where looking for some one to bite.”
Willow’s eyes widened in panic. “Bite?”
“ Bite, you know like play. The things guys and girls do. You know?”
Willow sighed with relief. Thank goddess the baddies didn’t fallow me! Wait a sec..just guys and girls? Should I tell her about me? I mean it isn’t like I am in the closet anymore, but I don’t want to lose my first friend. This is my new life do I wanna screw it up? Well, telling people didn’t screw it up before. I’ll have to tell her. I can’t start my new life hiding or it is just pointless, right. I hope to the stars she can deal with it. I need a friend. “ It is not just the guys and girls that bite. You know? The girls can bite the girls.Well not bite but like smoochies, Oh and then the guys. Well I really dont know any gay guys but there are some out there. I mean I am here arnt I. I sorry. I didnt mean to freak you out.”
Erica took a long took at Willow, like she was seeing her for the first time. “That’s why you seem different than everyone else. O, I mean not that that is a bad thing. Actually, that is totally all right. There are too many stiffs around here that don’t know how to be themselves. You rock!”
Willow eyes showed great relief. That went extremely well. “ Thanks. So where is this frat party?”
“ Well there was gonna be one down at Alpha Sigma but it got canceled. I think someone died. That was gonna be the big party that everyone was going to go to. So there really isn’t another party planned. We still could hang out though, just walk around or something. I can show you around campus if you want? You should see it soon because when it snows there is nothing but depressing blankets of white crap to look at for eight months.”
“Sounds good to me. Lead on.” Panic totally left the red head. Yay! No party! I mean it isn’t like I chickened out or anything. Willow was so happy she almost skipped to catch up to Erica.
“ Alright, this is Xann Hall. I don’t really know why it is here or even what it does. I have always wondered why they kept this old building around. They don’t even use it. I think it was the original building that was here even before the college. There is a rumor going around that it was an old crazy house, which isn’t hard to believe. I snuck in there once and saw some shackles and stuff on the wall.” The Goth turned to make sure that Willow was with her on the whole crazy house thing.
Xann Hall? Is this some kind of cruel joke, that the powers that be is playing. Haven’t I been the center of enough of your cruel jokes? MOVE ON ALREADY!
O, Xander. I wonder what he is doing right now. Is he married yet? Just thinking about missing Xanders wedding made her feel so lost she couldn’t even breath. Who is going to tie his tie? Be his best man? Buffy probably. I wonder if Buffy is happy? She should be happy. Does Dawn still love ice cream on chocolate Willow style? Has Tara found some one new? Willow felt like she was having her heart ripped out a thousand times over. I am so sorry guys, I really am. Willow couldn’t take it any more. She couldn’t hold back the tears that had been drowning her heart for months.
“ Whats wrong?” Erica asked in concern. Did I do that?
Willow didn’t answer. She just dropped to the ground from over whelming sobs of agony; dirty tears flew down her pain stained face. She mumbled in between her uncontrollable sobs “ I am sorrrrry.” “ I didn’t mean to.”
Erica bent down on the cement with Willow and pulled her into her arms. WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? A person just doesn’t drop like that unless they have been hit. I bet Willows been hit hard. In her soul and in her heart, but who? Erica thought as she became intensely worried about Willow.
“ Hun, I see you hurting, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what caused this pain but I want to know. If you haven’t noticed, I haven’t got to many friends around here. I believe that people come into each other life for a reason. I’ll be here for you. No mater what. I know we just met, but your hurting and I can help. I can’t help if you don’t tell me whets wrong. Willow?”
Erica stood up and pulled Willow with her to their feet. “This is a bad place to have a sob fest,” Erica explained.
Erica pulled the depressed red head through a bunch of bushes and on to a walking path, which was starting to be covered over by bush. Erica sat down again leaning her back against a heavy log. Willow plopped down next to her and tried to whip away her tears but failed miserably. Small water droplets of hurt drooped out of Willow’s puffed eyes at an uncontrollable rate.
“ Tell me, Willow. You can’t keep pain like this bared up or it is going kill you. Make you numb in the heart. So you can’t feel anything at all. Including love. Tell me?” Erica ordered softly.
After a few minutes Willow nodded her head. “I’ll tellll yooooou, but you wooooooon’t believe muh.” Willow said in between snuffles.
…………………………………………………………………..
Sweet Nothings
By Trish
I want to whisper sweet nothings to you
But you’ll never know
How you make my blood flow.
I want to keep you safe.
To wrap my arms around you.
But you don’t know
How much you burn me
Set my veins on fire
Makeing my heart ashes
You are my fire
My sin
My love
My desire
Your nobody
Edited by: xita
at: 6/6/02 8:44:37 pm
hmmmm
