E-mail: sarahelaine814@yahoo.com
Title: Uh, Tara? I think I love you...
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: My name is Sarah. It isn't Joss. And my last name isn't Partridge. So what do I own? Tons of Dr. Pepper and some novelty sock. Do I own Buffy or this song? NO!Distribution: Ask and you shall recieve.
Feedback: PLEASE!
Summary: Willow tells Tara about her feelings. Takes place sometime...how about in Season 4...okay?
Author's notes: I wrote this at work one day when I didn't want to be working. And I decided to post it after I made people sad with my other fic. I hope you like it.
**I'm sleeping and right in the middle of a good dream
And all at once I wake up
From something that keeps knocking at my brain
Before I go insane I hold my pillow to my head
And spring up in my bed screaming out the words I dread
I think I love you**
This whole being in love with a girl thing is entirely new to me. I’d never really thought about it before I met Tara and then suddenly instead of just-friend feelings I was having more-than-friend feelings. I haven’t told anyone yet, but when I do I doubt that their surprise could be any greater than mine. Because before I had these feelings for Tara, I loved Oz and before Oz I loved Xander (and at one point both at the same time). And they both have boy parts, where as Tara doesn’t, which is definitely different. But as much as I’d like to just ignore these feelings and hope they’ll go away, I can’t. I feel like I have to tell her. And she’s due here in a few minutes and I have no idea what I’m going to say to her. I’m scared: scared that she’ll laugh in my face and scared that she won’t. The whole thing just scares me.
**This morning I woke up with this feeling
I didn't know how to deal with
And so I just decided to myself
I'd hide it to myself
And never talk about it
And didn't I go and shout it
When you walked in to the room
I think I love you**
So now I’m waiting. I’m waiting to hear footsteps walk up to the door and then the knock. And I keep hearing the footsteps and I get excited and nervous and scared at the same time, which is pointless because it turns out to be someone walking by my room on their way to class or the bathroom or something. So then I go back to waiting again.
**I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for
I think I love you
Isn't that what life is made of
Though it worries me the same
That I never felt this way**
Another set of footsteps and another false alarm. I start to think that maybe she’s not coming. Maybe she’s been eaten by some horrid demon on her way or maybe she psychically knew what I needed to talk to her about and she caught the first bus to Mexico. I know that I shouldn’t be this worried about telling her, because I’m pretty sure that she feels the same way. But maybe that’s what worries me. And I thought that love was hard before I started liking girls.
**I don't know what I'm up against
I don't know what it's all about
I've got so much to think about**
I’m still waiting. I keep looking at the clock thinking it’s been about ten hours since I looked last and it’s only been about ten seconds. I try to float a pencil in the air and it ends up writing “Tara” on the wall and I run to erase it. How embarrassing would it be if she finally showed up and her name was written all over the walls? She’d most likely take one look at me and run away without looking back.
**I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for
I think I love you
Isn't that what life is made of
Though it worries me the same
I never felt this way**
So I keep running through different possibilities of ways to tell her and they all sound insanely stupid, especially when I say them out loud. And I’m pretty sure that saying them out loud makes me one step away from commitment-style psychosis. Which at this point seems like a valid future for me. I could rock in a rocking chair and giggle until I get old or until another patient stabs me to death with a pencil. I’m smiling at this when there’s a knock at the door. I gasp and jump up. I check my hair in the mirror and smile to make sure that I don’t have lipstick on my teeth before I open the door. And after I open it I just stand there, staring. I’m still trying to figure out what to say.
**Believe me
You really don't have to worry
I only wanna make you happy
And if you say, hey go away, I will
But I think better still
I better stay around and love you
Let me ask you to your face**
Tara stares at me quizzically and I know that it’s now or never. So I take a deep breath and open my mouth and say:
**”Do you think you love me?
I think I love you.
I think I love you.
I think I love you.
I think I love you.”**
Thanks SO MUCH for reading this!
"There's so much to work through, trust has to build again on both sides, you have to learn if you are even the same people you were, if you can fit in each other's lives, it's a long and important process and can we just skip it, and can you just be kissing me now?" Tara
