Soul Shatter

[Loco2]

yay, trish, you're back! for a while i thought you had abondoned us....

there's no way we'd lose interest, this fic is too good!



steph

”What do you think I am, a skeleton thief? You want to search me?!"

[SquishyTrishy]

Chapter 16

By Trish





WARNING! My mom was doing the cleaning thing and threw away most of my fix ups for this fic which means i had to do this own my own. So this is a straight forward aplogizy for spelling stuff.







Hospital





“ Hi, we’re looking for Martin Doctor. Is he around?” Tara asked leaning tiredly against the nurses station.



“ He is with a patient at the moment but take a set and I’ll tell him you’re here.” The nurse answered politely.



“Do we have to wait again?” Anya complained. “ We have been waiting everywhere to find Willow. Driving here, driving there. Do you know how much money this is going to cost me in gas? Let alone being away from the shop so long.”





Tara wasn’t even paying attention to what Anya was saying, she was just looking at the floor wondering if she would ever find her Willow.



“Did you say you are looking for Willow?” a gray haired doctor said from behind them.



Tara jumped in surprise and Anya just turned around looking annoyed with him, wondering if he knew it was rude to ease drop.



“Yes, Willow Rosenburg. Are you Martin Doctor?” Tara asked looking hopeful.



The Doctor looked a little guarded at first, he always about his patients but when he heard “Martin Doctor” he knew he could trust them. After all only Anglous used that name.



“Yes I am.” He had to be sure that they were sent by friends. “So who told you to call me Martin Doctor instead of the usual Doctor Martin?”



“ A friend, Buffy Summer’s who is a friend of Mr. Angle. She told us to call you that so you would know that you could trust us. She also said that if Willow was here, you would know about it.”



“ Ah…” He smiled. “Angelicus’s slayer. Your friend is right. If Willow is here I would know about it.”



“Do you know about it?”



“Yes, She came in a few days ago with her friend Erica. I am not sure what happened but whatever it was forced Willow to use the light powers when her body was already severely drained. That can be very dangerous you know. And with her being pregnant, it is three times as worse, but luckily she is very stubborn. It has been my experience that her body damaged by her own mystically forces will heal it self. But I have fixed up her arm and her other injures.” The Doctor answered in a hush tone.



“Pregnant?” Anya asked in a horrified tone.



Tara didn’t dare move. She didn’t even dare breath. I guess you got your answer. She has moved on...with some else. What did you expect? Her to be waiting for you after you left her. You idiot. She has her magic, she has her BOYFRIEND she doesn’t need you to come save her. Tara wouldn’t have cared right hat second if she lived or died. She hurt so much, she thought she was going to ripped apart. Like her soul had shaddered and was falling down in pieces cutting her deeper each time. She couldn’t even see straight as she tried to focus her self so she could run.



Anya who noticed Tara every move, was incredibly angry and would not stand for her best friend being hurt like that, ever. All her years as a vengeance demon kicked in, as thought of a thousand things she was going to do to Willow.



“Where is she?” Anya asked in a cold, harsh, distant, voice.



The Doctor looked at his pager and was unable to see Anya’s hate brimming over, and Tara’s soul shatter. He started to move away, to next emergency call, then remembered the two girls. “ She is room 314. Don’t stay to long she needs her rest.”



Anya walked forward in steady rage looking for her victim. Tara realized all at once that Anya was going to hurt Willow. Even though Willow had just kicked down her heart she could not allow Anya to hurt her. She ran after the fast moving Anya in a frightened daze.





.......................



Never Fear, I would not abondon by loyal readers. LoL so no worries. I will post another chap tonite...Belive me, it gets gooood! There gonna met real soon. I have good news for yall, i just finsihed my last day of school. I have to write a test tommrow and one of monday and then school ends and the party'n starts. I'll get all my chaps posted before I leave. Hope you enjoy and thanks for not losing intrest. You guys kick.



AIM! I DO BELIVE YOU OW ME AN EMAIL!

[willntlover]

Updates!! I look forward to them



Congratulations on school/ exams being over

-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

[ExtraFlameyWT]

Hey Trish!! GREAT UPDATE!!! I liked how you included the title into it...very nicely done. Anyway, I can't wait for more!!! When when when? Need more!



GOOD LUCK ON YOUR EXAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Aim

*****
"Pope John Paul today confirmed his opposition to gay marriages, said they're unnatural. Gay marriage is unnatural. Then he put on a pointy hat, his dress, and returned to never having sex at all." -Bill Maher

[Thanatopsis]

Thanks for another great update. Can't wait to see what Anya says. Oh and Erica's reaction to her and Tara. Good luck on exams.

-----------------

Uh, um... various sounds of
hesitation...

[ExtraFlameyWT]

Okay...I'm posting for Trish tonight. She had to go to bed (she has an exam tomorrow) and she wanted this to be posted tonight. So, please direct all intelligent thoughts to Trish for her exam tomorrow! Here you go!





CHAPTER 17



Anya reached the room she was looking for, pushed open the door, and walked in without blinking. She was ready to smite down Willow for what she had done to her, to Xander, to Dawn, to Tara, to them all. But then she saw Willow, who was much thinner then she use to be. Her skin was always pale but this time it was flushed and covered in sweat along with thousand deep scratch marks that looked like they had been caused by wild animal. Her hair was greasy and there was a tiny bulge in her stomach. Her casted arm lay protectively on top of the bulge. Anya who had planed to do much worse to Willow suddenly felt compassion for her old friend. But she was still mad. These two conflicting feelings about what to do with Willow confused her. Should she hug her or tell her to die?



Tara followed Anya into the room ready to drag Anya back out. But when she saw Willow she couldn’t think. She took in all of Willow pain through her eyes and all she wanted to do was run to Willow and hold her. She didn’t move.



Erica had left for less then a minute, in order to use the washroom. When she had returned, she found two young women in Willow’s room, looking very shocked and confused. “Can I help you?”



Tara didn’t turn her gaze from Willow, not open to any other world but Willow’s, and at the moment she did not hear Erica. But Anya did.



Anya turned around to face Erica and once again turned to her venom-filled ways. “Who are you? And what are you doing with Willow? Did you do that to her? Who are you?” Anya asked.



Erica had not slept for two or three days, she couldn’t remember, but she was in no mood to put up with any crap. “Erica. And you?”



“I am Anya. And I’m going to cut off each body part slowly and make you eat it until there is nothing left but your bloody guts…and trust me if you do it right it can be done, if you are the one that did that to Willow,” Anya threatened. Anya was very loyal to her friends and even though Willow had hurt them all, she still didn’t like anyone hurting Willow, except for her self.



Erica looked board with Anya threat. She had to many her life to start worrying about them. Then something clicked into her head. Isn’t Anya the girl Willow use to live with?



Tara was standing off to the side, staring at Willow, paying little attention to the new comer. She gave into her urge and was sitting on the edge of Willow’s bed pushing the red hair away from the closed emerald gates of Willows eyes. How did I let things get so bad? So bad that the only reason I used to get up in the morning hasn’t spoken to me in half a year and is now lying in the hospital. Things just happen to fast, and you don’t realize what’s happening until it is done. I wish I could go back and change it all. It shouldn’t be like this. Tara eyes betrayed her thoughts as a small tear trailed down her face unnoticed by Tara and feel on top Willow’s lip.



Everyone in the room was sunk. Anya sunk in her confusion of rage and compassion for Willow, she was taking it out on Erica. Erica was trying to explain everything to Anya but she couldn’t seem to make the blond understand. Tara was lost in her own thoughts about everything that she had shared with Willow and how it was gone.



“Please be quiet.” Erica ordered. “ You want me to tell you what happened and I can’t because you refuse to listen. I am not going to tell you another thing until you’re quiet and listen to what I have to say.” Erica said with no room for argument.



Anya and Tara were both silent, and they looked expectantly up at Erica. Tara had known what had happened to Willow since she had left. She had to know, she didn’t want to, but she needed to.



“I’m Erica. I assume you are Anya, and you are Tara?” She looked at the two with sadness. She waited for them both to nod. “Alright, then I can tell you. I met Willow at the U of Alaska; she was a new student who needed help finding class. I helped her and we became friends very fast. I was out with her one night and I--” Erica didn’t know weather it was ok or not to tell about Willow’s break down. She decided it was not her story to tell. “Me and Willow were out late, and, ah, she walked back to her dorm. I don’t know what happened but that’s when she got pregnant.” Erica watched Anya and Tara’s expression, making sure they followed. Anya looked disgusted but stayed silent and Tara’s face was looking into the floor but it was obvious she was crying. “I don’t know what really happened. She certainly was not pregnant when I met her so…Anyway she says that the baby was P.A.’s, a professor of one of Willow’s and my classes. She said P.A. got into some trouble and lost her soul to a collector. She gave her baby up into Willow’s body. That is all I know people, so your turn to spill.”



The baby isn’t hers. The baby isn’t hers! She didn’t cheat on me. No, it wouldn’t have been cheating we weren’t together. I shouldn’t have doubted her. Tara body breathed a little easier with relief, and her heart now had hope. She leaned into Willow and placed her hand on Willow’s. She sent her thoughts into the void hoping some how Willow would hear. Willow, my Baby, my love, my soul please come back. Tell me that Erica is right. Tell me that you still love me. I need you. I am sorry I wasn’t strong enough to save you. It was so hard to leave you baby, and then you left. Life? It is empty with out you. I am sorry. I know it isn’t all my fault. Why couldn’t you just have stayed away? Things were going so good between you and me. I was going to forgive you. Then you went back. Why? Didn’t you want me anymore? I am so confused, but I know that I need you. It isn’t enough, though, Willow. You used to need, love and be happy with me. Are you still? Tara body once again shook with her out coming pain in the form sobs. Wake up. Please wake up. Let me see your eyes. Tara thoughts didn’t go out into the void. They flew from Tara to her ex-lover.



Willow’s relaxed, unconscious body suddenly tensed up and her back arched. The beeping on the monitor suddenly went out of control and spiked. Then silence, everything seemed frozen in time. Tara was holding Willow’s hand tightly as if it was her last lifeline; she was scared out of her mind. She was going to lose it all, again. Anya’s hands were frozen in mid air, her mouth open and eyes wide with a single tear. Erica tried in vain to move her feet, to scream, to call out, to do anything. The time freeze was broken as Erica found the use of her feet once more. She stumbled awkwardly out of the room and then ran full speed towards the doctor, screaming help for all she was worth. She pulled the doctor with her, still screaming help but in pitiful cries of anguish.



The doctor and Erica pushed past the door of Willows room and into the clouds.



TBC...

*****
"Pope John Paul today confirmed his opposition to gay marriages, said they're unnatural. Gay marriage is unnatural. Then he put on a pointy hat, his dress, and returned to never having sex at all." -Bill Maher

[VampNo12]

Trish first I am sending good vibes for your exam tomorrow, and I must say these two updates were wonderful! Tara and Anya happy to finally have found Willow, and then Tara utterly crushed when she hears that Willow is pregnant. It was so Anya to want to bring vengeance to Willow for causing pain to Tara, but I loved how after seeing all the suffering Willow has endured some compassion for her friend comes out. Lastly, I was glad Tara learned about how Willow became pregnant, and the relief she felt for knowing Willow didn't betray their love. However, with Tara's inner musings its clear Tara still wants Willow, but doesn't know if Willow feels the same (ie W&T have a lot to sort out in order to salvage their relationship). And the end was a real cliffhanger, hope nothing too bad happens to Willow just when Tara finally finds her.

Edited by: VampNo12  at: 6/21/02 12:54:59 am

[Miss1234Kitty]

Yay! Loved the update. I'm also very glad that I didn't check it when it was first posted and got to read both updates now. Anya is incredibly realistic - torn between her compassion and anger. It's good as well that Tara's realising she and Willow got into this mess together and will get out of it together. Emphasis on together.



*pouting* Hey, how come YOUR exams are over? Hope it went well.



Gem

Tara: There's just so much to work through... and can you just be kissing me now?

[Loco2]

thank you!!! these updates were great! good to see some 'soul shatter' after a shitty day, so thanks.



but hmm, i cannot help but notice that you ended with a cliffhanger....what's up with that?



steph

"Dr. Becker, have you seen the skeleton?" "What do you think I am, a skeleton thief? You want to search me?!"
"Who sponsered career day this year, The Brittish Soccer Fan Association?!" - Xander - What's My Line?
"We'll all be a lot happier without the constant whining....Mom, Buffy, Tara, Waah" - DMW to Dawn

[Miss1234Kitty]

Just come back to say I agree with Loco2. That was mean. But we love you anyway.



We love updates too. I'd say 'hint, hint' if it weren't for the fact that I am worse than Anya in the tact department and I am sure you knew it was a hint.



Okay I'm gonna go check ER sites and sulk for a while until someone updates. Where are the Rainbow Writers?



Gem

Tara: There's just so much to work through... and can you just be kissing me now?

[little wicca dude]

hey dude,



great updates

eeep, dont like cliffhangers, need more soon!!!



luv jill

"did i just say that? did i just say that too?"

[SquishyTrishy]

VampNo12 I thank you muchly for your vibes. All year i have been one or two percent behind my best friend. It drove me insane, just cuz she is like I am better La-T-Da. So my goal was to ebat her ass, which i think i did. I not sure though..i will find out in a couple of hours. *cross fingures* Yes Willow and Tara have alot to work out, if they are to survive. *HINT*, and about my cliff hanger, There had to be atlest one. Or what kind of writer would i be.



Miss1234Kitty You seem all with the togetherness. Well..together is good but sometimes being apart helps you realize how important the things that you have are to you. Yes, this is wise rip off of the week. Thanks, there will be more muchly soon. No more sulking. It isnt heathy, i mean what if you got the sulky face on and like the hotest PERSON that you have ever seen walks by..and they dig you and you got this sulky face on. I hope that made you smile. And my test being over...piffile i got my science next monday but until then i got no more schooooool. NO MORE FREAKEN SCHOOOL! *sorry had to say that*



Loco2 What happend to make it all shitty. At first when i was reading what you said i thought you said sifty. LOL see this is how you can tell it is summer time, in my brain. Is everything ok now? And you are right my cliff hanger is going up.



little wicca dude No worries there shall me mroe sooooon. That is if i pass math and science and dont have spend the summer in jail. Aka Summer School. LOL JK there will still be more for you. I would never abandon you guys.



BBL I have one word for you and i say it lovingly. Hipocrite! (most likely i have spelt this wrong buy you know what it means)



I would like to give very speacil thanks to Aim for posting this chap for me. Hugs. Thanks girl.....ill see you at the totaly kick ass sunrise.( hidden message )



Thanks for commenting, I appreciate and love 'em



PS. I have lost my email account. Yes, i know. I am stupid. So sheep girl, I know your out there. If you read this....my new email addy is Amandatapping@hotmail.com

Well acctually that is my old one, but it works. That isnt just for sheep girl.

[SquishyTrishy]

Chapter 18

By Trish



It was evident that Willow’s hospital room had suddenly flew into the clouds. Willow was now lying on a cloud bed, with her red hair floating above her head; she had a very peaceful look upon her face. Tara was literally frozen in between two Grey-crying clouds; she was starring at Willow. Anya was lying like Willow but on the back of cloud up side down, floating above Willow and Tara. Erica and the Doctor joined the hovering Anya. The clouds were a peaceful, soul full place. There was a fountain at the side of Willow, where a very beautiful lady who was wrapped in a simple white dress sat. She was humming soothing sounds, into the blue oblivion of the clouds. She looked over at her new guests and her eyes became wary. She stood and walked over to where Willow lay.



“ You let the darkens consume you. You hide from the light, but it didn’t work did it little one. You are filled with light. Your heart, your soul are clouded in darkness but your light still shines through. Do you know how lucky you are? You graced with friends, with power, with love, with a beloved lover, with humanity and with everything you done, you still have it. Your friends are still there, they still love you. Tara has just been a shell of her self since you have left. Do you have no mercy? She loves. Yes, loves not loved. Yet you threw it all away, but for what? Nothing. I can help you Willow. My heart grew heavy when I watched you in your darkest moments. I thought you lost but then I would still see your light. I couldn’t help you while you were surrounded by the darkness. You saved an unborn child and you saved Erica, both at the expense of your self. Srounding your self with some light again, which has allowed me to finally reach you. I am older then earth it self, and very few humans have caught my interest. Let alone impress me. You went black and then you went back.” The strange ladies lips curled with a smile” Then is a phenomenal thing to do, a few dozen in all of time have accomplished this. Though, it doesn’t excuse all the things you have done. You have dug a whole in your family heart, and you need to fix it. That whole can get bigger and bigger until it swallows life up. Trust me. I can help you. You have come as far as you can. I know this. But just because I can help you, doesn’t I mean I will, or should. Convince me why I should allow you a second chance. Remember I have seen all of you, and I am still here. This is a once in a trillion chances. Don’t disappoint me.”



Willow seemed to have heard everything the strange lady had said. Even though it appeared she was in deep sleep. She mumbled the words, “ I wont.”



The strange lady smiled at this and walked over to where Tara was frozen.



“Ah..Tara, Willows fire. You have been through so much in your life. The pain, it seems to fallow you. When you where a child, your father and your brother, kept pushing you down, away from succeeding in your life. You still pushed through. You found the love. You found Willow. Your world has a lot of hate, and suffering. Sometimes I think that is all your world is. Then I see people like you. People who give the world hope. I would like to know if you are capable of hate? You are strong Tara. Very strong. Don’t doubt that, I know you do. Why do you have hope Tara? Why do you try and save the world? Tell me you fight for.” The lady knew that Tara could not answer her at the moment so she continued. “You are an angel among hate, among pain. You are life’s little soldier. You have done well, your mother is very proud of you and she still loves you. So does Willow, Dawn, Anya, Xander, Giles, and Buffy, you have a family.” Suddenly the lady let out a throaty laugh. “ I just answered my own question didn’t I? I have a gift for you. Willow and you might have your chance to be with your family once more. That is my gift for Willow, but gift for you is this.” The Lady lifted her fist up and unrolled her fingers reveling two white wrings. They both had a large emerald in the middle. You could see a rose through the emerald glare of the stones. The rose was floating and turning in circles. There was a tinny inscription on both the rings. One said, my love, my desire my Willow. The other said, my love, my desire, my Tara. The lady left the rings fall to a cloud pillow. The clouds that had encased Tara, were now glowering white.



The lady walked over to the hovering three.



“ Anya, Erica, Martin. Here and now is not about you. I know each of you has pain. So I offer this simple advice that if you chose to fallow shall profoundly change your life. Anya, Xander loves you, you love Xander. He messed up. But he is only human. Is life worth living if you don’t forgive him? Erica, you have a great many things do accomplish in life. You will not be able to achieve these things if you hold on to the past. Decide if you wish to stay in the past with pain or in the future with hope. Martin, Angle saved you, and now you save your patients. But there is some one else who needs be saved more. Your wife. She needs you. Don’t ignore her.” The lady looked down towards the earth as the clouds parted for her. She dropped the three from the clouds safely back down to the earth. She then moved back towards the ex-lovers.



“Awaken.”



................................................................................



You know, they say what comes around goes around. Maybe the floaty love makeing has bitten them in the butt or possibly not. I have no idea why i just added this but i felt like it. HEhehe. Thanks you guys!

[VampNo12]

I really enjoyed this part Trish! I hope everyone learns to take this advice to heart. I loved that even in darkness Willow had light in her, which she let shine through when others (at the risk to herself) were in trouble. Willow loves Tara and Tara loves Willow, and hopefully in the near future they can iron out their problems and look to the future. And speaking of the future I can't wait to see what Tara does with her gift (ie the rings). Looking forward to the next update, and still sending good vibes for your continued success with your exams!

[Loco2]

heh, you know you said your cliffhanger was up?up in the clouds possibly? ok, ok, sorry, bad pun. i never should have gone there in the first place



shitty day=hardly any of my friends at school. memo sent to teachers saying we cant watch the game because our head teacher is an evil vulture woman. when we do get the score, we lost. feeling sick all day 'cos i took some ibruprofen without food, blech. hole in my head. then, just to top it all off, some bitch from the school down the road from me tries to beat the crap out of me. (lucky for me, she wasn't quite as hard as she thought she was, godamm weak, actually) i've really got to learn to control my sarcy comments, ie. *after a few punches from bitchface* "Are you quite finished? am i actually allowed to walk home, now?" - that one didn't go down too well,



and you know what? coming home and reading this fic actually lifted my spirits incredibly. now i am even in a good mood.



thank you, trish, for all these wonderful updates. i know they made me feel better...



steph



ps. sorry all for coming in here and venting about my dodgy day. i had to complain someplace, y'know? and i did get asked

"Dr. Becker, have you seen the skeleton?" "What do you think I am, a skeleton thief? You want to search me?!"
"Who sponsered career day this year, The Brittish Soccer Fan Association?!" - Xander - What's My Line?
"We'll all be a lot happier without the constant whining....Mom, Buffy, Tara, Waah" - DMW to Dawn

Edited by: Loco2 at: 6/21/02 2:12:03 pm

[Drakkenfyre]

Okay, Little Bit, if you wish to call me a hypocrite. So be it. I still love you very much. I am very proud of you for writing this fic. It has shown the rest of the board the incredible imagination and talent that I have always known you had. Please keep going. I promise to post more often!!! Real life not withstanding... I love you, Your BBL!!

"In my world there are people in chains and we ride them like ponies."

[SquishyTrishy]

VampNo12 Good Vibes KIck man. I got the best in the class on the test, but it wasnt enough to get higher then my friend. Grrrrrrrr, Now i got science. Scarey. About those rings though, those arnt just rings they have a very speacil perpouse.



Loco2 Yeah, I dont mind at all. To bad about the girl giving you problems, do know why she was doing that? LOL see stupid...nice to see you can take care of ur self. I am glad my fic helped. Makes me feel great. Have better days. Dotn worry dumping ur problmes i did ask and i like helping people so..:>



BBL Thank those words. I belive this un makes you a hipocrite. Thank you for those words, they made me feel all good inside. HEhe. Love you to. :"( I cant belive u have to go back to work. :( *pouty*



More tommrow...



Hannah, Than, anyone home?

[fidds]

heya Trish

this is really imaginative writing - i really enjoyed it- i could really imagine it all- well done



can't wait for the next chapter



*Hannah*

-p.s- sorry i haven't replied in a while, i missed some of the updates

********************************************
I just needed someone to talk to, you were just too busy with yourself, you were never there for me to express how i felt ,i just stuffed it down- *STAIND -FADE*

[SquishyTrishy]

Chapter 19

By Trish

……………………………………………….

The clouds that had encased Tara moves backwards setting Tara free. Tara took her first step on the white puffs and looked around to meet the lady’s eyes. She bowed her head in respect and clasped her hands together waiting. I wonder what I did to be in the presence of a Goddess. I hope it wasn’t Willow. Her heart thudded heavy against her chest in a whimper of emotional pain. Don’t look at her. Don’t look at her. Tara knew if she looked at Willow she would lose it.



Willow awoke when her cloud bed simply vanished and she fel to the floor only to land in a soft mush of clouds. She looked around until she saw Tara’s eyes and continued to star at her. Why wont she look me? Stupid question. How could I expect her to? She looks good, to skinny though. I’ll have to make sure she eats more, if she lets me stay around. Willow turned around to met the Goddess who had saved her. Willow sad expression was evident.



“ My children, you have come so far in your sorts lives and if you to are to continue it will be decided here and by me. You’re two souls cry out to each other every night, so loud that the clouds hear them. You even make my clouds weep sometimes. Did you know that? It has become rather bother some to soothe my clouds, so I too started to watch you. I have seen everything about you two, and I admit my clouds have reason to weep. I won’t have it anymore. So I give two options. Willow, you show Tara how much you still love her, still dream for her. Then you two together shall convince me why I shall give you a second chance.” The lady of the clouds stated.



“And the second option? ” Willow asked. She wasn’t sure Tara would believe in there love again after all that happened. She was terrified for this alone.



“ Willow, your body was taken to many hits and it will not wake up. Your mind will always be awake though and it shall wander in a parallel plan with other comma patient. It is a very nice, serene place. Tara will return to Sunnydale where she will continue her battle of life, alone. It is your choice to make, little ones. May it be a soul full one.” At this the lady of the clouds walked over to where a chair had formed, she sat in it and the closed rose up against her. Making it impossible for Willow or Tara to see her.



The first few moment where filled with sickening silence. Tara turned towards Willow looking down at the clouds. “ Willow. Please just listen. I have thought many night to my self what would I say to you, if I saw you again. Some nights I was so angry and hurt because your love for me wasn’t strong enough …” Tara said in her own warmth.



Willow interrupted. “ No, no. My love is for you is what kept me alive. Kept the darkness from filling me, Our love is what made me better.”



Willow was cut off my Tara. “I am not finished. I have to say it all right now, or I wont say it at all. So please listen. Some nights I would go out side and look at the stars and remember how I told you about the Big Pineapple. I would be so happy in those memories. Then I would remember. It hurt so much to know that you where gone, and that you weren’t ever coming back. I would pray to everything for your return to me, even if it was just for a moment. You never came, except for in my dreams. In my dreams we were always together then you run for the black magic. You let it consume you, burn you, until there was nothing of my Willow left. I couldn’t live like that, I couldn’t live without you. My life got so muddled until I couldn’t see anymore. The only thing I saw, was the orb. Remember when you gave it to me, so you could prove that you weren’t doing magic anymore. I was so happy. I didn’t see it glow for the longest time and then one day, it did, all black and full of greed. I knew it wasn’t your magic, but I had to see if you could resist. I should have let you know then. I should have let you know that I forgave you, that I missed you so much. I missed my chance and I won’t miss this one. I hurt too much Willow and nothing can fix my pain but you. I love you.” Tara looked into Willow’s eyes and put her hands into Willows. “Always.”



“Oh Tara. I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I love you so much baby. It isn’t your fault no matter, it was mine. I wasn’t strong enough…. Alone. But with you I am so strong. When you left, my rock my was gone, and when I left to Alaska, I was gone. I couldn’t even see my self anymore, I couldn’t feel our love without being pounded by guiltily pain. I hated it! I couldn’t stand it! To have our memories tainted. So I tried to fix myself. I started to go to university, again, once I was threw the withdrawal. I was going to come back, because my soul never left you. You are my soul, baby. You keep my heart. I am so sorry for what I did. So ashamed, I can’t take back. Not with magic, not with I-am-sorrys. If I could, I-am-sorry, would be the only word I would say for the rest of my life. Tara you deserve so much more then me. I love you. I tried to stop loving you, so I could just die. I couldn’t. I never will be able to. I don’t want to live without you either. I am better now, I haven’t used dark magic in four months. I know you deserve more. You so beautiful, so wonderful and I’m going to try make you feel everyday. If you will let me? Please.”



Willow and Tara’s checks where damp with the tears of their trials. Tara took her hand out of Willow’s. She traced along Willows neck and up her hair pushing it back with her fingers. She kissed Willow softly as if she were kissing something damaged and Willow returned her kiss just as softly. Tara opened her mouth and deepened the kiss in loving passion. Moving her hands around Willows necks holding her. Happy tears flowed down Willow’s face as she pulled her love closer. The tear trickled down to the locked lips. Both Willow and Tara pulled back a little resting their head together.



“ No more tears. We have cried so much, the clouds must be getting jealous. I love you Willow. I will always love you.” Tara whispered.



“I love you so much Tara. You are my everything, my core, my light. I love you.” Willow kissed Tara again biting her lip softly.



“ You almost had it. You where so close, Willow. You just let it slip. In all the world, in all the times, there has been love. It is what keeps the world from self distructing. Love is not always enough, as you to know. The people who feel this overwhelming emotion, need to know who they are. They need to be them selves. Willow, Tara is what kept your light lit but she is not the light. You are a person without her. Granted a very unhappy person, but still a function person that can feel. She doesn’t make you as a person up. You said you went to Alaska to find your self. You haven’t. Tara isn’t you. So who are you?” The lady of the clouds was leaning against a long staff that went right through the clouds.





There was along silence. Willow had to no idea how to answer. Tara on the other hand was bursting with answers but for some reason could open her mouth to speak them.

[Drakkenfyre]

Well, woo damn hoo!!! I think I got the first post. Trish, you continue to amaze me. *Stands and applauds you* That was a marvelous update. I give you 10 million points for it!!! That may just put you in the lead again. Keep going Little Bit, I will be waiting. Love, Your BBL

"In my world there are people in chains and we ride them like ponies."

[Thanatopsis]

Well this whole cloud thing wasn't something I was expecting. Pretty interesting way to have Tara and Willow work out their problems. Looking forward to more.

-----------------

Uh, um... various sounds of
hesitation...

[SquishyTrishy]

Chapter 20

By Trish



“Well, can you answer me or not, my child?” The lady of the clouds waited several seconds which seems like dragging hours to Willows. The answer was silence. The lady face paled a little. “ I guess that is that than. You have failed. I am sorry to see you do so. Goodbye Willow, goodbye Tara. May you have the impossible peace you to deserve. You have a few minutes to say goodbye” The lady if the clouds turned and walked slowly away. Without looking back.



“Why did you just say something? Anything? I can’t lose you again. I just cant. Why didn’t you say anything!” Tara said with great sadness.



“I..I couldn’t say a lie. I don’t know Tara, I don’t know. I love you so much, believe that forever. I am so sorry. I messed up again. Oh Tara, what have I done. Not again, not again.” The two held each other in there last moments.



Tara leaned over and kiss Willow not with fiery passion but with gently love. “I love you. You are my soul, my heart, my desire, my everything. You saved me Willow. You saved me from my past, my pain. I love you so much and I will always love you. Wait for me, I’ll be there with you in a couple of years. I’ll miss you so much. Don’t blame your self for this, please don’t. If you it will eat you alive until there is just a shell for me to come to. I’ll be there.” Willow held Tara in her arms holding her as close as possible, crying.



Just then the clouds began the rumble and became very dark, accept for a white patch that remaind under Willow and Tara’s feet. Lighting shot backwards out of the clouds up into the higher clouds, barely missing Willow and Tara. Deafening thunder followed. This backwards storm raged for a few minute’s, before the lady of the clouds returned.



“Oh, you just be quiet! I gave them a chance! It is not my fault, so stop your little fit. Stop it now…” The lady of the clouds voice was drowned out by angry thunder and lightening that came to close for comfort to Lady of the clouds form. Suddenly though the angry thunder came a pure loving voice what just a whisper but heard by all. “Enough, enough, enough” the simple order echoed through the now silent clouds. “I’ll show her and that is all I will do. Why can’t you be normal and watch tv like everything else?” said the lady of the clouds.



“ My clouds have saved you once again. I have, as it looks another deal for you two. I will show Willow something’s that could possibly save the two of you. But I will only do it on two conditions. One, you two shall never cry a sad tear again. Two, you sing my clouds to sleep on the last day of February in the Temple of High. I suggest you take this, because it seems my clouds rather fancy your love, and I would hate to deal with them. Last time this happened, the whole dinosaur race was destroyed. Tara you may not come with me and Willow. I leave you in the care of my clouds.”

[VampNo12]

Trish great updates! Loved the imagery of the clouds weeping, because W&T's "souls are crying out to each other every night". This is just a beautiful way to convey how much W&T are truly connected to each other. Finally W&T are able to start sorting out some of their problems, but the most important thing was that they both expressed how much they love one another. However, Willow not being able to answer the Goddess's question about who Willow is apart from Tara, made their coming together bittersweet. Luckily the clouds came to the rescue with the storm, and hopefully Willow won't blow her second chance to reunite with Tara. Looking forward to the next update!

[Drakkenfyre]

Little Bit, may I just say Damn Girl, You Rock!!! Love you lots and lots, BBL

"In my world there are people in chains and we ride them like ponies."

[fidds]

oh yay- two updates in one go

very beautiful and imaginative writing



can't wait for the next update



*Hannah*

********************************************
I just needed someone to talk to, you were just too busy with yourself, you were never there for me to express how i felt ,i just stuffed it down- *STAIND -FADE*

[little wicca dude]

dude, great updates



that goddess woman reminded me of yoda in star wars



need more soon can't wait to see what happens!!



luv jill

"did i just say that? did i just say that too?"
http://little-wicca-dude.50megs.com - My scooby doo page

[Loco2]

brilliant! they found each other! i hope Willow takes this chance.

you've been getting rather a lot of applause for this fic; here's some more



oh, and that girl, she just has a problem with me, for no reason at all.



thank you for the updates, keep 'em coming.



steph

"Dr. Becker, have you seen the skeleton?" "What do you think I am, a skeleton thief? You want to search me?!"
"Who sponsered career day this year, The Brittish Soccer Fan Association?!" - Xander - What's My Line?
"We'll all be a lot happier without the constant whining....Mom, Buffy, Tara, Waah" - DMW to Dawn

Edited by: Loco2 at: 6/28/02 11:33:15 am

[pikescoob]

little wicca dude I love your scooby....heh.



I just caught up on the last four or five updates.....geez, thank goodness the clouds are pushing for 'em.....I hope Willow passes. *crosses fingers*



--Michelle

[Miss1234Kitty]

Brilliant updates! Great, great, great. One for each update.



Update soon, please?



Gem



Edited because I can't spell

Edited by: Miss1234Kitty at: 6/23/02 9:45:20 am

[Loco2]

trish? have you abandoned us this time?

"Dr. Becker, have you seen the skeleton?" "What do you think I am, a skeleton thief? You want to search me?!"
"Who sponsered career day this year, The Brittish Soccer Fan Association?!" - Xander - What's My Line?
"We'll all be a lot happier without the constant whining....Mom, Buffy, Tara, Waah" - DMW to Dawn