Fic: Songs For A Mix Tape

[YMKA]

I'm with the wow here....didn't expect that.....Wow.. that was ..well..it was wow...LOL..

I wonder how they'll work it out....

Waiting for your next update!!!!

Thanks

---------------------

"..I feel you, I taste you, I cannot forget, everytime it rains I get wet..." (c) Ace of Base

[undertheirspell]

yes I see it wasn't puppies and kittens but it did have a kitten in it so i guess that will have to do.



Didnt like Tara running out like that but I'm trusting you to make it better.

Gina



----------

"The only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll get it right." ~~~ In This Diary, By - The Ataris

[mxgirl314]

What in the world just happened? One minute i'm all yea she finally said I love you then the next shes on the floor looking out her door wondering what just happened. I hope Tara hurrys up and gets over her problem. But i'm sure its not an easy thing to get over but I hope she does it quickly. I can not wait to find out what happens next. I hope you update soon.

[bluewillowwitch]

unionjill ,

OMG!!!! I loved this update! I don't believe that! was a junkie! I knew there was going to be something to that effect but I didn't know that it was going to be that bad! And is sitting there trying to get her to understand that she still loves her and she won't even hear it! I can't believe this update! Oh you are sooo very ! Can't wait more. Update soon, please?





Grace

---------------------------------------------

"Fate keeps on happening."--Anita Loos

[sam darls]

Oh my god..what happened there?!! wow..I didn't expect that. I hope evrything works out alright..please? Wonderful update..Love sammi xx

[willowsgirl]

I knew it was gonna be something big, you've been hinting for a while now. But not that big!! That was so well written, it had me on the edge of my seat. I feel so sorry for Tara, she really feels like she doesnt deserve Willow's love.

But Im sure...well, Im hoping...that Willow will get the chance to talk to her and explain that her past is her past.

Well, just wanted to say that was a wowza update, looking forward to reading more!



willowsgirl xx

[sabina]

Hi there



Wow. This was a powerful update



Well, first I can't help myself I just have to comment on this, that line about bass players having great hands cracked me up the first time it was said and now it made me LMAO again... Ah , I love flirt



I'm feel sorry for Willow, it is hard enough to come up with the courage to say those three little words for the first time to someone... And then to receive that sort of reaction from Tara... it must hurt... a lot.



And also I feel sorry for Tara... I hope they can talk about all this soon.



Now, you have me on the edge of my seat



More soon?

---

"I know I was born and I know that I'll die.

The in between is mine.

I am mine!" - Pearl Jam

[2DIAMONDS]

And despite all the angst and the tears, I really adore this fic! I know I've said this before, but it's true - Songs for Mix Tape is a "real life" type of story. I think you're doing an excellent job!!!



I don't even know where to begin. This update was sooo emotional with Willow's sweet declaration of love and Tara's heartbreaking reaction. We all knew Tara Maclay is a deep character with so many different layers, and every one I've read about so far is unique. This Tara Maclay has suffered tremendous loss and pain but she reacted differently than all the others. This is real life - not all puppies and kittens as one put it.



I wish I could respond to the many things that caught my heart and mind's attention in this update, but I'm trying to get out of the habit of writing really long posts The only thing I can say is...Willow is right: Tara is not the same person. Tara doesn't want to hear that or believe it and it all boils down to guilt. That Catholic schoolgirl guilt is a killer. Believe me, I know. I think she feels like she's a world of dissapointment to her mom's memory and that if her mom were still alive, she'd be ashamed of her, probably hate her. It's understandable. I think I'd feel the same. But I know that this Tara, as well as all the others, possesses an enormous amount of strength to go along with all that beauty and love.



Ya know, we've all done things in our past, things we're not proud of...things that we don't jump at the chance to share with the world. Not even with those that are closest to us...out of guilt, shame and embarassment. But those are just things that we've done and not who we are. Life is long and each day is an opportunity to grow as human beings and be better than who we were the day before.



Update soon, pretty please?



Helen

xoxo

[Arwen276]

Ummm! BIG TIME CONFUSION!

Tara was a junkie? wow!

But it's no reason to still feel like one. She has to accept that Willow loves her.

Although at the moment I don't know how Willow feels!



The situation just got all tense and unbearable for the both of them and now there's the whole being gone thing for both of them...





more?!



~Arwen

Hear That Baby? You're My Always... Willow

[Kerrison20]

That was sad. I feel so bad for Tara. I hope that Willow can help make her see that she is a different person now, and worthy of love.



Great update.



Lisa

[littlecrazy80]

I hope they will work out everything. Never thought that Tara had such big probs with drugs. But it´s good that Willow now knows the truth. I need an update asap.



*lil´c*

Let´s get happy and let´s be gay. germany´s grand prix song



Check this out

[Insanity]

Wow...that was incredible intense....



It's a good thing Tara finally told Willow, but it's bad that she left and Willow didn't manage to catch her...



But me beeing an optimist am sure, they'll figure things out...



Verrrrry great chapter.... But I want smooooochies in the next part *g*



Insanity

"Nobody messes with my girl!"Tara, Bargaining

[justin]

Regarding your idea of flattening the planet. A better way to deal with the time zone problem would be to build a large hollow sphere arounf the sun, then we could live on the inside of that. It's called a Dyson sphere and people have already worked out to get the raw materials by ripping Jupiter apart. Will this weekend be okay.



That update was great though rather angsty



It's a pity that Tara has all this guilt because of some mistakes she made in the past. I hope that Willow will be able to help her work through these issues.



Looking forward to reading more.

Anya in a wimple...I'd pay full admission for that. Gods Served And Abandoned - by Antigone Unbound


You know the worst thing about people in a relationship? The fact that they're in a relationship. - Hilda Spellman

[effrena]

huh? what the huh?

oh, my, that started out so lovely cute! and i could so picture it! the kitty playing, and willow`s thoughts

and then wham!

don`t let tara feel guilty about her past! it`s understandable! willow will understand!



anyway, great, intense update, but make it better, soon, please!

We'll fling the bunnies at her- evil bunny projectiles. After I run her over and you strangle her and Bre chops her up. It's brilliant!" Lisa of Nine - Milestones

[JustSkipIt]

Hey,

Guess what? I like the update. I mean, we've been waiting for this. It's been suspense and let's just get it over with. Now they can move forward. Tara finally lets her skeleton out of the closet and Willow told her that she loves her (plus her adorable reasons for doing so). Now they can fix Tara's freak-out and move along. Way to go. Debra

---

"I was working on a proof of one of my poems all morning and took out a comma. In the afternoon, I put it back in again." - Oscar Wilde

[faithy]

yay no late this time. and I can't say that you didn't warn me. Thats so sad, about Tara's past. I'm diing to know the details that she left out. Willow will under stand. But the one thing I don't get is why would Tara think of starting again? I mean shes got Willow, or is there some tragedy that we don't know about yet? Tara seems to have all the problems. Does Will have any? Hopefully I'm not late next time.

[kbk3022]

Hey Sarah,



I thought that as a birthday present to you I would write feedback. Heh. I know this is probably the best present ever.



Anyway, so wow. Huh? Wow. Yeah, I was reading the update and was a little confused as to whether or not Tara was on drugs. I mean, that's what I thought you kept hinting at, but when I read it.... I don't think you were clear enough. I mean, you say "high" but that could mean she was high on life... or "drunk" on happiness or something. And, she said "junkie" but there are lots of types of junkies out there.. you weren't really specific on that.



I just want to say good job on the update otherwise. I know it must've been hard to write when you compared it to slasher movies. It's rare that that comparison is made. I look forward to the conclusion of the fight so I can be more clear about some things. And the story you're doing good. It just keeps getting better and better. Update soon or else.



Oh and Happy Birthday!!



Kasey



P.S. - If you drink, make sure you drink responsibly. Remember, friends don't let friends drive drunk.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - -
"Take heed 'cause I'm a lyrical poet, Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it. My town, that created all the bass sound, enough to shake and kick holes in the ground. 'Cause my style's like a chemical spill..."

[unionjill30]

Replies:



Kasey – You’re so five years old it’s not even funny. I love it.

Washi – Relationships are never picture perfect, no. I’m glad you loved it and didn’t hate it.

LadyBrymstone – No stories with Tara into drugs? I didn’t know that. That surprises me. Well, maybe it doesn’t. But whatever. She’s not always ‘sweetness and light’ as some people think she is. She’s 3-dimensional just like every character should be (Thank you Mr. McGarrah for that little lesson you pounded into my head repeatedly.) Lots of potential with it though and tons of issues to work through, you’re right. I’ll try to work on the next update ASAP.

Rachel o4 – Yep, she just walked out. You’ll have that sometimes. It’s a great little thing when you don’t really know what else to do. Just walk away (didn’t your mom tell you that when someone tried to pick a fight with you?). And I get what you’re saying with the not talking and all that. Do I sense a little frustration from a personal experience though? It seemed that way, but I’m horrible at reading people so I could be way off on this one. I’m glad you liked the update though and I’ll try to get on that next update.

YMKA – And how about another ‘Wow’ just for good measure? They’ll work it out, but as for the ‘how,’ you’ll find out soon enough.

undertheirspell – Not puppies and kittens for Tara and Willow, but yeah, a kitten which is always fun and cute and some other words that are good. I’m glad I have your trust. I won’t disappoint.

mxgirl314 – And that’s exactly where I wanted to leave you, with all that confusion. Getting over stuff like that is never a quick thing. I mean, it all happened, what, five years ago? Or something. So there’s stuff to work on. It’ll get better though. I hope I update soon too.

bluewillowwitch - 2 u 2. was a junkie. will help. Again, I’m not . I’m an . More soon.

sam darls – You didn’t expect it? I thought I’d hinted enough to lead up to it. I guess not. My bad. It’ll get better though. You have my word.

willowsgirl – Okay, so maybe I did hint enough. Now I’m confused. You shouldn’t sit on the edge of your seat though. It’ll make your butt hurt. I’m not saying whether or not Willow gets to talk to her or not. You’ll find out soon enough though.

sabina – It does take a lot of courage to say those word to someone the first time around. You build yourself up, and in Willow’s case, you get knocked down. It sucks. You should scoot back in your seat. Like I said to the person above you, it’ll make your butt hurt on the edge.

2DIAMONDS – Thanks a bunch. Real life can be fun sometimes. I like working with it. I’m glad you think this Tara is different than others. I like to break monotony when I can. Long posts aren’t so bad, and I do agree with you and Willow in the fact that Tara’s not the same as she was. She just doesn’t realize that yet. She has so much to realize. Once she does, I think everyone will be better off. Thanks for the feedback. I’ll try to update soon.

Arwen276 – I enjoy putting people in a state of confusion. Yep, junkie Tara. It happens. It’s life. It’s going to be tough with the upcoming trips and all. We’ll work it out though.

Kerrison20 – Sorry to make you all sad. Willow will help out. It’ll get better.

littlecrazy80 – Yes, Tara and drugs. Shocker, I know. I’ll try to update soon.

Insanity – Keep up the optimism. I can’t promise smoochies in the next update though. Sorry.

justin – This weekend is all filled up for me, sorry. Maybe I can pencil in the reconstruction of the solar system sometime around the 22nd. Does that work for you? On to the story. Sorry for the angst. I feel it was necessary. The past can be a pain in the ass, to be blunt. Sometimes it lingers with people. It’ll all work out though.

effrena – Yeah, I led you on with all the happy fluffy stuff. I kind of did that on purpose. I’m mean like that. I’ll make things better though. Promise.

JustSkipIt – Hey. Guess what? Yeah, I’ve got nothing good. Sorry. We have been waiting for this last update though, I agree. I’m surprised at all the shock people seem to be portraying. I thought it was obvious, but then again, I’m writing it, so things might seem more obvious to me. You caught on though, so it wasn’t totally out of left field. So, anyway, thanks for the feedback.

faithy – Nope, you’re not late. And I did warn. Those details won’t come for a while so hang on to that thought. Let’s see, questions questions. Okay, to answer the first one about Tara starting again. It’s one of those complicated things. I can use a simple example to try and get my point across. Okay, maybe this is personal info or whatever, but I’ll share. The best example that I can think of (that’s not horrendously horrible and shouldn’t be shared) is my dad and how he used to smoke like crazy. He started really young and quit on several occasions. He would smoke on and off throughout my childhood until my sisters and I got him to finally quit for good. I’ve talked to him about it before in recent years. Even after all this time, he says he’s scared he’ll go back to it in a heartbeat. It’s just so tempting. He knows it’s not a good thing, but there’s something drawing him to it. He feels bad about doing it while my sisters and I were growing up, and yet he still thinks he could go back to it. Addiction is like that. It’s tough to beat, even if things seem great without whatever it is. Next question regarding Willow’s problems. Well, we already saw the minor problem with Oz and how she felt like she was the bad guy. Kinda minor in comparison to Tara’s problem, but still a problem. Willow’s not completely problem-free, but I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to delve into things with her. I’m not sure it would be very relevant. So does that help? Questions can be good. I hope I cleared stuff up.

Kasey (the second time) – Took you long enough, yeah? Your feedback is the single greatest birthday present I’ve ever received. I have tears, I’m that happy. I mean, all I got from my parents was a pack of mini-DV cassettes and some studio headphones. One sister got me a scarf and some gloves from H&M, and the other sister got me tickets to Rent. Really though, all of those things are dwarfed by your feedback. Even that kitten Headley is talking about getting me isn’t as good. For serious. The story: Maybe Tara isn’t on drugs. I’ll let you decide. Maybe she’s a Corn Nuts & Slushie junkie, raiding convenience stores like it’s nobody’s business. Maybe I’ve seen Heathers one too many times considering that thought (BQ or plain?! BQ!!). Yeah, when that slasher movie reference gets thrown in there… whew. It was a tough one to write. Aren’t slasher movies cool though? Well, sometimes. Sometimes they’re jus crap. But whatever. I’ll try to update soon. Or else? Are you going to come kill me if I don’t. That might not be a good idea, considering I’ll never get to update if you do that. Thanks for the happy birthday. It’s been boring so far. I went to all four of my classes for a change. I don’t do that on a regular day, so I have no idea what’s up with that. I learned some stuff though, so woo. I got my license renewed. Thank god. That picture from high school was just embarrassing. I’m actually in the middle of cleaning my apartment. It’s nasty. It’s been a regular old day as opposed to something special though. I’m old and boring I guess. I have been summoned to my sisters’ house tonight though, so I’ll be hitting the road sometime. Shouldn’t they come here? I mean, that’s almost three hours to drive, and it’s my birthday. Strange logic, but really I don’t know what there is to do here, so it would be pointless for them to come here. Stupid new towns and not knowing where anything is. I won’t drive drunk though. Hopefully I won’t drink. I’ve been informed though that you can’t have a 21st birthday in my family and not get sick. Someone come and save me. Didn’t I do enough of the wild and crazy stuff when I was younger? (Yeah, like I’m so old now, but still.) I just want to relax and watch Wheel of Fortune and eat my orange Jell-O. Kids these days though. Maybe I’ll get Jell-O though. Who knows. It’d be laced with vodka though if I had any. So I think I’ve talked enough. My fingers hurt and are feeling cold.



Sarah

Driving all day. Driving all night. Asking for directions, should have turned right. Sleeping on the floor. Driving through the snow. Sweaty, smoky venues at every single show. ~This semester's theme song~

[willowsgirl]

Hey so thats why my butt hurt so much after reading the last chapter! I feel silly writing butt, Ive never said that before in my life. Im english, so, arse!!



willowsgirl xx

[Tibbs]

So, I've finally been able to pull myself out from real-life and back into the good ole kittenverse and what do my eye's tell me but there have been not one, but 3 updates of my fav. fic since I was last here. Woo and Hoo!



So first one, the road trip. Very sweet. Great way for them to spend some quality time together and for Willow to get to know someone in Tara's family. I really liked Elle. She reminded me of my own sister, especially during there scuffle about " cave Tara". That cracked me up. Her plan for getting Willow and Tara sleeping in the same room was fabulous as well. Yay for W/T snuggles. And yes! Conformation on the girlfriends issue.



I must say I think the 4th of July chapter is my favorite one so far. Mostly in part because of the dead on capture of Anya and her vagitarian comment. It was the funniest thing I herd all day and I thank you for the laugh.

I love how W/T are more comfortable with each other in this part. Kitchen flirting fun and heavy smoochie session in the truck i really liked. Willow's comment about her curling iron when she realized she was in love with Tara was also great. In my opinion you really got Willow pegged. It just seemed like such a Willowy cover up.

I hope Buffy and Liam have a boy. I really like the name Deegan. Disney on the other hand...

Kim and Willow are going into buisness together. I'm looking forward to finding out how that goes. It sounds to be quite interesting. I think they could do it. I wonder if they will sign a certain blonde's band eh?



Now finally the update where it was so sweet with the intro of Miss Kitty and the crash and burn of Tara's history comming out.I just want to say," I knew it!" At least its all out in the open now, or the main things are. I sense a few more things need to be talked about but all in due time. What a way for an " I love you " dedication to go. But now they can move on, say they will be there for each other, and always find each other and ect, and get with more smoochies, right? Hopefully soon? Please?



So this post turned out longer then I thought. Sorry about the rambling and such. I think the incredibly insane about of caffine I've had along with sleeping only 5 out of 36 hours is finally catching up. I should have listened to my Pop and went into buisness instead of Vet school. Ah well. SO more soon please and yet again I state you rock!



Tibbs





Oh, and... Kim rocks too!

[SaraBiga]

So, now that you've finally brought out THE big thing you hinted for from the beginning, can we at least expect some snuggle in the next couple of chapters? Please?



Keep up the great job. I really love your fiction, and I'm looking forward to have all of the songs you want in the mix to finally burn the cd...

Hope you post the next one pretty soon...

____________________________



"Don't piss off the redhead with the weird powers" -Willow-



"I'm not weird, I'm talented." -Sara Biga-

[slayergirluk]

hi dis is my very first post i just like 2 say dis fic rocks!!! i specially like the oz scene!!

peace out Luv u all Slayergirl_UK

[effrena]

yay! update! and i am first!

please, tell me you made it all better!!!

*runs off reading*



********************



i just love anya, that is so her! i liked the "you are like a mom part"!!!

great update, as always, thanks!!!

We'll fling the bunnies at her- evil bunny projectiles. After I run her over and you strangle her and Bre chops her up. It's brilliant!" Lisa of Nine - Milestones

Edited by: effrena at: 11/18/03 7:01 am

[unionjill30]

So here I am again. Sorry it took so long. It's short, so you'd think less time to finish, right? Wrong. Things happen... my overscheduling habit gets in the way... frequently. I need to slow down unless I want an ulcer or something fun like that. Anyway, that's not important. I have the update and am working on the next one. So everyone cross their fingers and hope I can do that one in a timely fashion. Thanks to everyone for reading.



Extra Replies:

willowsgirl – Yeah, the edges of seats… painful. Happened to me last night in the library, and I had to sit back. Butt, yeah, funny word. It’s like but, but not. Just add one more letter and it’s not a conjunction anymore. Odd. And now I have School House Rock’s Conjunction Junction in my head. Fabulous.

Tibbs – Great to see you’re back. Real life can be a bother. I’m glad you liked the vagitarian comment. I have to thank my good friend from my summer job for that one. He always kept things interesting. I’m pretty sure no on likes Disney as a name. It’s dumb… really. Now all the little girls named Disney are going to come beat me up. Oh well. As for the band getting signed… I’m not sure. It’s still rolling around in my head as to what I’m going to do there. I’ll try to get some resolution to that problem sometime soon. It won’t be immediate though. Oh, and I’ll let Kim know she rocks. I haven’t talked to her in ages (it’s the real life in the way thing you talked about). Thanks for the feedback… and I like the long stuff .

SaraBiga – Sorry. No snuggles in the near future. Remember, Willow’s leaving. So there’s going to be some time. I think you’ll like the final mix. It’s already done, and I’m really happy with it. I hope everyone else agrees.

slayergirluk – Glad I could be the source of your first post. Welcome to the board. Thanks for the feedback. Good to know you like the story too. Thanks.



Title: Songs For A Mix Tape

Author: Sarah (unionjill30)

Email: unionjill_30@yahoo.com

Rating: PG - PG13ish?

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters from ME, and really I don’t own the other characters so much either. Though Kim would like to think she owns me. I’ve been informed that I don’t have to be Kim’s bitch, I just choose to be. Go figure.

Feedback: Yes please

Track List



Track 18: Am I Ready by Spitalfield



Tara bolted from Willow’s room as quickly as she could. Fortunately she didn’t see Buffy downstairs, eliminating the risk of running into her and being asked questions about what was wrong. She looked over her shoulder to make sure Willow wasn’t following as she rushed through the door and down to the parking lot.



Once Tara was in the safe confines of her car, she stopped, pausing to wipe the stray tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. She looked up at Willow’s bedroom window before turning the ignition. As she put the vehicle into gear, her phone, which rested in one of the center console’s cup holders, began to vibrate against the plastic making a rattling noise. Tara reached down to see who was calling, and upon seeing it was Willow, hesitated and almost answered. She quickly dismissed the thought deciding she’d already said enough to hurt the redhead. Instead, she placed the phone in the passenger’s seat to stop the rattling and turned up the volume of the CD that was playing.







Upstairs, Willow scrambled to her feet and made it down to the second floor only to see through the window the sight of Tara getting into her car. The redhead grabbed the closest phone and dialed Tara’s cell phone number while she ran down the next set of stairs to the parking lot.



Willow burst through the back door only to be greeted with an empty space where Tara’s vehicle had been. She looked up to see the SUV pull out of the lot as the pre-recorded greeting played in her ear: “Hey, it’s Tara. Leave me a message.” With a defeated sigh, Willow left a pleading voicemail. “Tara. Baby. Come back. I’m sorry. I….” She almost said ‘I love you’ but stopped herself, figuring that’s where the whole mess started in the first place “Don’t go.” Reluctantly, she hung up the phone and watched as Tara’s car drove off down the road before slowly going back inside to continue trying to reach the blonde.







During the drive home, Tara tried not to think. She never meant to hurt Willow, and it was tearing her up inside. Numbly, she pulled into the garage and gathered her things to go inside. She looked at her phone and saw three missed calls, all from Willow, and an equal number of new voicemail messages. Always a glutton for punishment, Tara dialed the phone to access her mailbox.



Listening to the messages, Tara started crying again. Willow was practically begging her to come back or answer the phone; anything so they could just talk. Tara hung up the phone and tossed it onto a chair before she lay down on the couch, letting her tears lull her into a nap.



She hadn’t been asleep long when the phone on the end table rang loudly causing the blonde to wake. The caller ID indicated it was Willow again, and she let it ring through to the answering machine.



“I figure you’re probably home by now,” the redhead’s voice came through clearly. She sounded like she’d been crying. “It’s been long enough for you to get there. Maybe you didn’t go home though. Anyway, you’re not answering your cell phone, so I thought I’d try here. Sweetie, just call me, okay? Please?”



Tara covered her head with one of the couch’s pillows and tried to burrow herself down into the cushions. She hated hearing Willow sound so sad, but she wasn’t sure there was anything she could do. She knew she’d only make things worse.



Several minutes passed and the phone rang again. Tara didn’t even bother to look at who was calling and let the machine get it.



“It’s me again,” Willow said over the phone. “I know you’re there now. You have to be. Everyone’s supposed to be there soon to load the trailer. The kitty’s scared. She hasn’t come out of her carrier since you left. You should probably come over and tell her to not be scared.” The redhead let out a tear-filled laugh. “See, now you’ve got me resorting to kitten guilt to get you back here. Just talk to me?”



Willow’s small attempt at humor only served to make Tara feel worse. Great, she thought, Willow’s upset and now the cat is too. I’m doing a fabulous job with this one. She stood up and climbed the stairs to the bathroom. Looking at the clock, she realized Willow was right. The other band members would be there in the next twenty minutes to load up for the following day. She needed to make herself look somewhat presentable and not like she’d been crying.



Nearly fifteen minutes later on the dot, the phone rang again. Tara could hear Willow’s voice over the machine floating up the steps.



“I know I probably seem totally psychotic because I won’t stop calling, but I don’t care. You really need to pick up the phone. I’m fully prepared to call every fifteen minutes until you do. So, just save me the trouble and answer the phone, okay?”



Tara looked up at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her eyes weren’t red and puffy anymore, and she’d managed to get herself looking somewhat like a decent person. She didn’t feel like a decent person though. She always did this; hurt the people she cared about. “Stupid,” she muttered to her reflection before shutting off the bathroom light and going into her bedroom.



Everyone arrived soon after, and loading the Suburban and the trailer didn’t take as long as everyone expected. Once everything was in its place, they secured the trailer and the vehicle inside the garage and confirmed the time they’d all be leaving the following day.



When everyone had gone, Tara went back inside. She found three messages and pressed the button to play them. As expected, all were from Willow. The first still held that underlying pleading tone, but the second began to sound a little less sad and a little more angry. The final message was just an exasperated, “This is crazy.”



On schedule, Willow called again. She’d completely moved past the sad stage and was now in full-blown pissed off mode. “Will you answer the phone? I just want to talk to you. All that stuff you told me earlier doesn’t change how I feel. Just talk to me.” She paused for a moment and sighed. “Look, if I don’t hear from you in the next fifteen minutes, I’m coming over.”



This doesn’t change things? Tara wondered. How can it not? It changes everything. She couldn’t keep herself from doubting Willow’s words.



Something registered. She’s coming over? No. She can’t. Tara stared at the phone unsure of what to do. Not calling Willow meant the redhead would come over. Calling meant having to talk to her. Seeing her cell phone still on the chair where she’d tossed it earlier, Tara got an idea. She picked it up and punched in a text message to the redhead. It read, ‘I’m sorry.’ It was all she could think to say, but then another message occurred to her. ‘Don’t come over,’ she typed. She then turned the phone off and went upstairs to call it an early night.







Willow had a cordless phone in one hand and her car keys in the other. She was completely prepared to go to Tara’s if she didn’t get word from the blonde soon. Her eyes were practically burning a hole through the clock on the wall when she heard her cell phone beep. She walked over to where it was resting on its charger and saw she had a text message. She placed the cordless on her desk and picked up the cellular to see the message was from Tara. She read, ‘I’m sorry.’ A few seconds later a new message arrived. ‘Don’t come over.’ The keys that were still in her hand fell to the floor and she rested her palms on the desk and leaned into it, letting a new set of tears spill down her cheeks.







The next day the band hit the road early in the afternoon to give themselves sufficient time to reach the venue before the show. Ro volunteered to drive the first half of the trip, and Ross offered for the second half allowing Tara to curl up in the last row of seats by herself for a long nap.



By the end of the night, the group was mostly exhausted. Needless to say, it hadn’t been the best show they’d ever done, and they were all ready to just call it a day. It was nearly one in the morning, and Tara took over driving after they stopped at an all night diner for food and coffee.



About an hour into the drive, all three guys, who were in the back, had fallen asleep watching a movie that played on the vehicle’s DVD player. Anya, who was up front in the passengers seat, had her eyes closed, but wasn’t asleep. She decided she’d keep Tara company while she drove.



“You’re such a mom,” the keyboard player said suddenly, causing Tara to jump.



“Sheesh, Anya! Give a person a heart attack, why don’t you?” Tara had assumed everyone except herself was asleep, and she was lost in her own world. Hearing Anya’s voice, despite the vehicle not being silent due to the movie, had nearly scared her to death. After her pulse calmed a bit she asked, “I’m a what?”



“A mom,” Anya replied.



“Umm… okay….” Sometimes Anya said weird things, and this qualified as one of them. Tara wasn’t sure exactly what her friend was talking about.



“Really. Look.” Anya pointed to the backseats. “They’re all three snuggled in watching a movie.” She glanced up at the screen which showed a scene from the movie Labyrinth. “A kid’s movie no less. Plus, you gave them all juice boxes, which by the way…” She glanced at Ross’s hand which was still clutching his box of apple juice as he slept. “I hope you don’t mind the fact that Ross is squeezing juice onto your car’s floor.”



Tara tried to turn her head around but decided that was probably a stupid move considering she was driving. Instead she rolled her eyes as Anya continued.



“And the car you drive. You tote us all around in your big SUV. You’re like a soccer mom driving us home from the big game. You’re totally the mom of the group.” Anya stopped to think for a second. She looked back at the guys then to Tara and finally at her position in the vehicle. Her eyes widened. “If you’re the mom does that mean I’m the dad?” She wasn’t really directing the question at Tara, but instead, it was more of a question to herself.



Tara quirked an eyebrow and let Anya work it out for herself.



“Technically though, I should be the mom. I’m not the lesbian. You should be the dad. But that refutes my initial thoughts of you being a mom.” Anya continued rambling on to no one in particular for a while. Finally she came back to where she started. “Anyway. Like I said. You’re like a mom.”



“Whatever,” Tara said distractedly. She’d stopped listening to Anya’s rant halfway through and was back in her own thoughts.



“What’s your deal?” Anya asked, a little annoyed that Tara hadn’t shown more interest in her ‘mom’ thoughts.



“What?” Tara broke out of her daze and turned to the other woman.



“Ever since we loaded up last night you’ve been either spaced out or pissed off. What’s the deal?”



“Nothing,” Tara said with as much sincerity as she could manage. She wasn’t very convincing.



“You’re a really bad liar,” Anya pointed out. “What’s wrong? Oh, is your girlfriend withholding sex, ‘cause you kind of have that frustrated…”



“Can we not talk about this?!” Tara interrupted. She really wasn’t in the mood for Anya’s antics tonight.



Anya recoiled. She’d heard Tara raise her voice like that a total of… never. “Jeez, fine.” She would let it go for the moment, but something was definitely up. She was going to figure out what was wrong.



Amazingly, none of the guys had woken up at Tara’s outburst, and the inside of the vehicle went back to silent passengers and the sounds of the movie. Apparently the three guys were heavy sleepers. Anya opened the center console dividing her and Tara and pulled out a small case of CDs to look through.



After a few minutes, Anya came to a conclusion. “Have you ever wondered why you’re such a negative person?” she asked the blonde next to her.



Tara shot the other woman a dirty look out of the corner of her eye. “No, Anya. Why don’t you tell me.”



Tara’s voice was heavy with sarcasm, but Anya ignored it. “Look at the music you listen to.” She held up the CD case so Tara could see what she was talking about. “Now I know you have this huge varied collection, but predominately this,” she waved the case, “is what you listen to. Let’s have a little look.”



Tara rolled her eyes and sighed. She’d have to tough this one out because she knew once Anya got started there was no stopping her.



“Okay.” Anya pointed to a CD near the front of the case. “This one is all about ‘My girlfriend left me so my life sucks.’” Right below that one she pointed. “And this one says ‘The world is a political machine out to destroy us all.’ And here we have,” she flipped a few pages, “one for ‘I left home, my girlfriend wouldn’t follow, I’m all alone.’ Now this one here hides behind a lyrical genius and makes you think it’s not about the same terrible things, but overall it’s saying ‘Why does everything in my life turn out so horribly?’” Anya closed the case and looked up at Tara. “The list goes on and on. This little case is full of the same depressing theme. It practically screams suicidal, and I’m shocked you haven’t lost your marbles and killed us all.”



“And I suppose kids are killing kids because they listen to Marilyn Manson, hmm?” Tara inquired, still with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.



“No. Kids are killing kids because they’re all stupid. That’s a well known fact about youth,” Anya said matter-of-factly. “But really, your music selection… totally not helping your disposition.”



Tara didn’t say anything, so Anya continued. “So. Fill me in. What kind of problems are you and Willow having?”



“Who’s to say we’re having problems?” Tara asked, glancing quickly at the other woman.



“I’ve been around for a while. I know that look. It means relationship problems. So spill.” They were friends, and Anya didn’t like seeing a friend so obviously hurting. She really wanted to help out. Plus, Tara’s mopey attitude was starting to get on her nerves.



Tara sighed, and decided to fill her in. If anyone knew anything about relationship problems it was Anya, and Tara felt like she’d be a good confidant. “She said she loves me.”



The look on Anya’s face was the perfect display of confusion. She quirked an eyebrow and thought for a moment. Try as she might, she didn’t get it. “Um… I’m not seeing the problem.”



“No, see she said she loves me, but I felt guilty because of stuff I’d never told her about me. So I told her,” Tara tried to explain.



“Oh! And she decided she doesn’t love you now because of it?” Anya felt like she was catching on.



“Um, no. Not exactly.”



“What do you mean?” Anya asked.



“I, um, kind of left after I told her, and she called leaving a message saying it didn’t change anything,” Tara said quietly. “But she can’t mean that.”



“Has anyone ever told you you’re stupid?” Anya asked dead-pan.



“Wha-…” Tara’s mouth fell open in shock.



“Seriously. You’re stupid. She said she loves you and that stuff doesn’t matter. And still you’re depressed. So what’d you do that was so horrible? Kill a guy?” Anya didn’t know Tara’s past and took a guess. “Big deal. She says she doesn’t care. So believe her.”



“But how?” Tara asked. Her eyes started to fill with tears. “There’s stuff I can’t even forgive myself for, and she still loves me regardless?”



“That’s how love is,” Anya said softly. “I got dumped on my wedding day, and no matter how hard I try, I still love the bastard. Love’s a crazy, messed up thing, but it’s also beautiful. If she loves you then accept that.”



“I don’t know if I can,” Tara admitted.



“Do you love her?” Anya asked.



“It doesn’t matter if…”



“Do you love her?” Anya repeated.



“I shouldn’t be…”



“Do you love her?” There was no way Anya was letting this one go.



“Yes,” Tara admitted finally. She’d never been able to let herself believe it, let alone say it. She felt just a little bit better.



“Then tell her.”



“But she’s leaving tomorrow,” Tara said, starting to worry.



“So wake up extra early and go find her. She’s flying how many miles and how many feet in the air? You need to tell her before she leaves because her plane could crash and she’d never know how you feel.”



“Don’t say that!” Willow’s plane crashing was not something Tara wanted to think about.



“Well, it’s always a possibility,” Anya said. “So make sure you let her know before she goes.”



“Okay,” Tara agreed. “I will.”



“Good.”



“Thanks,” Tara said sincerely.



“For what?” Anya looked at the other woman curiously.



“Letting me know I’m stupid.”



“Oh, no problem.” Anya smiled. “I’ll let you know anytime.”



Tara gave her friend a playful shove, and for the first time in a while she grinned. “If we’re sharing stupidity moments, how about you spacing out during that song tonight and forgetting to play an entire section?”



“How about you and how flat you sounded the whole time?” Anya shot back.



“Okay, okay.” Tara put an end to the teasing. “But really, what about that crowd? You’d think we were playing to a group of ninety year olds they were so dead.”



“Tell me about it,” Anya agreed.



The two spent the rest of the drive back to Sunnydale talking about anything and everything, and for the first time since her outburst at Willow’s, Tara didn’t feel that bad.



They even reversed roles for a while with Anya talking about her relationship with Eric and Michael and how she was pretty sure she was going to end it soon. Her explanation included, “They’re just so cute together, and I don’t want to come between them.”



Tara was surprised to say the least, and after the combining the news with the other conversation they’d had, she jokingly responded, “This just in… Anya has a heart.”



After dropping everyone off at their homes, Tara pulled into her own garage. During the last leg of the trip she started feeling drowsy, but managed to tough it out. Now that she was home, she just wanted to shower and catch some sleep before she woke up to go see Willow.



Forcing her feet to move up the steps, Tara quickly pulled her clothes off, leaving a trail down the hall on her way to the bathroom. Just standing under the spray was lulling her to sleep, and she almost dozed off as she lathered her hair with shampoo.



It was almost six in the morning when Tara came into her bedroom wrapped in a towel. She reached for the clock on her bedside table and set the alarm for eight o’clock, allowing her about two hours of sleep. Barely having the energy left to pull down the sheets on the bed, Tara collapsed onto the mattress, towel and all, and virtually crashed.

I tried to sell my soul once. I hear that's the latest in trendy things to do this fall. No one wanted to buy it though. If I really want to be popular, I guess I'm going to have to lower my asking price or something, yeah? Maybe I'll put an ad in the paper...

[xita]

Ooh, great update, Anya is a great character to have say all those things Tara needed to hear. I know how self-hate goes so I can understand Tara not taking all those calls, but gosh it's heartbreaking. Now, I am all paranoid Tara won't wake up in time!

- - - - - - - - - - -
"Hard work often pays off after time but laziness always pays off now!"

[Aine]

woohoo! i love this fic!! really i do!!! i can't wait till the next update! but don't think that i'm rushing u or anything, cuz i'm not...i'd wait years for this fic...it really is incredible...



love and monkeys,

Aine

[Karmah]

Great update I am glad Anya told Tara to pull her head out of her....... and OMG poor Willow she is leaving thinking that she has no chance to tell Tara that she loves her again and probably all upset thinking she was just broken up with. I hope Tara doesn't sleep thru her alarm. Great update looking forward to reading more

Arron

What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

~ by Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

[Washi]

Hey Sarah,



This update was really heart wrenching, but there's a ray of hope at the end, so I can take it.

Willow calling Tara every 15 minutes shows us how much she wants to talk to her, but I think that Willow is going to think that Tara doesn't love her, that she's sorry they ever got together....

I love Anya. Yeah, weird thing me saying that, but sometimes, people just need someone to make them realize what they're going to miss out on.

Great update, but I'd love to see what happened after Willow got Tara's text messages...

I loved it.

-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:Dark-bliss.net :..:My blog:..:Blood and Ink:.

[littlecrazy80]

You gotta love Anya for this!

Hope everything gets soon better between Tara and Willow.



*lil´c*

Let´s get happy and let´s be gay. germany´s grand prix song



Check this out

[sabina]

Hey



I love this fic



This was such a sad update... I feel really sorry for Willow.

She didn't do nothing wrong and Tara won't even talk to her...

But you've got to love Anya, she is always ready to tell you exactly what she thinks, even if it means saying that you were completely stupid



So now I have this feeling that Tara will sleep for too long and miss Willow



Oh, well, you do promise an happy ending, right? I guess I'll just have to wait and trust you.



Update soon?

---

"I know I was born and I know that I'll die.

The in between is mine.

I am mine!" - Pearl Jam