Fic - Living in Shadows

[Puff]

Title: Living in Shadows

Author: Puff

Feedback: This is my first and only attempt at a long story so if it sucks sorry. Please send comments etc to puff614@hotmail.com

Summary: Dark Tara centric story. Willow does appear but I am warning you there will be some badness. This is AU as well. That stands for my reality.

Spoiler Warning: None at all.

Disclaimer: I didn't create these characters. I do, however, love them. I'm not making any money off of them though.

Rating: R – G this part is R for the violent theme.

Notes: Thanks to my wonderful beta reader Drakkenfyre and love as always to spuckie. If you like this I have more.



Part 1



Tara felt her hands shake; she had heard the truck pulling into the driveway. Followed by the sounds of doors slamming and feet on gravel. It was amazing how even footsteps could sound angry.



‘You didn’t do anything wrong, they can’t touch you if you didn’t do anything wrong’ her mind kept saying, but Tara knew this was a false hope. There had been many times, many times in the past where everything had been fine. Yet, excuses had always been found. Even if she behaved: had done everything that had asked…Punishment, of course, had to be given



‘I need to be controlled’ wasn’t that what they always told her? That without the punishments something inside her would give way. Something terrible. Surely then all of her pain was worth it. There was always a price to protect people; her mother had shown her that. Sometimes that price was high



Tara sat on her bed. Waiting. Sure enough the footsteps reached her door. It was forced open. Her head hung, her shoulders slumped on instinct as if making herself as small as possible would protect her somehow from the terrible things to follow. It never did. He seemed to enjoy the fact that he had defeated her. There was nothing of Tara left. Not the Tara she used to be. The happy carefree child that had clung to her mother and always smiled. Had it only been 3 years ago that her mother, her protection in this world, had gone? Had she endured all of these things in so short a time? Had it only taken that long to be afraid?



Tara heard a question fired at her, she knew by now not to answer. No answer would ever be deemed good enough.



And then she felt it.



The first blow knocked her sideways. The second knocked her to the floor. Then there were too many to count. Too many to protect herself against. Too many to stop.



Tara was dimly away of his anger stopping, then a door closed. Huge sobs racked her body and she bit her lip to stop them. Tara would not give them the satisfaction of hearing her cry. Of knowing how much the punishment affected her. Pulling herself up onto the bed was exhausting, but from there she managed to force her legs into standing. The muscles quivered in protest but finally co-operated. Tara, shakily, made her way over to her tiny desk. Reaching into the top drawer she pulled out a letter. UC Sunnydale was pleased to offer her a full scholarship, the semester would start in 2 weeks and Tara was to attend an orientation in just a week’s time. Looking back in the drawer, her hands found what they were looking for. A bus ticket. One way.



‘Just tonight’ Tara prayed ‘I just need to get through tonight’.

-----------------------
You know, it's a real deal relationship and that's why people can relate to it
Amber Benson

[Tiggrscorpio]

Puff, interesting start. Thank God Tara is on her way out of there and to Sunnydale.



Looking forward to seeing how this develops. Thanks for sharing.

*****

She's my everything!

[WiccansIllusion]

I like this start. I'm a sucker for dark stories, and I haven't seen alot dealing with Tara's childhood before Sunnydale. I'd like to see where this is going.

Tara nodded in agreement "She has magic fingers." Then, as though the words had just echoed back to her and sounded not at all right, she perked up and glanced around at the others. "On the keyboard."

TheWisdom of War, Chris Golden

'My heart is cleverer then I and it knows what to do.'-MC Legends of the Kiss

[AmberBGirlie]

Puff I like that you started it out with Tara still living with her family before attending US Sunnydale. I would like to see where this is going also.



*Tara/Willowy huggles to you all*

~Amy

[Thanatopsis]

I'm definitely intrigued. A dark Tara story sounds rather interesing and I look forward to more.

--------------------
Too many of us live desert lives. ~Charles de Lint

[xita]

Hmm poor Tara. . . the abuse she put up with. But yes she's going to sunnydale, but this is AU? somethings will be different I assume. Great start puff

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Oooh Xita!" - Amber Benson

[urnofosiris]

Oh you did not tell me you wrote a fic. Yay on you.

Interesting beginning, well written, I can picture this all too clearly but I am not opposed to angst as long as there is Willow at the other end of it.

---------------------------


Tara: "uh Willow?"

Willow: "No dancing naked, huh?...It just won't be the same."

Tara: "That's all right, we can save it for later" ----From Wilderness, the newest WT comic written by Amber Benson and Christopher Golden

[jomarch]

Alas, the first chapter is too short. But it is off to an interesting start and I am looking forward to more.

[mollyig]

Tara living her life in shadow, poor love. But she's off to UC Sunnydale. Interested to see where you're going to bring us.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[Puff]

Wow first of all thank you for reading it



If anyone was worried Willow will show up (I hear patience is a virtue) and of course when Willow and Tara meet then romance always follows.



Now onto feedback...



Tiggrscorpio

Thanks for reading always great to hear what you have too say And I'm glad Tara is leaving as well.



WiccansIllusion

I think Tara's past makes an interesting story and hopefully I do it a bit of justice. Thanks for the kind words as well.



AmberBGirlie

Thanks I hope you keep reading.



Thanatopsis

Ah finally I have managed to intruuige someone I hope you continue to enjoy the story.



Xita

Always great to see that you read all the stories on the pens. Yes things will be different than how they went in the show. But hopefully they will all be ok. Hope you keep reading and thanks for the kind words.



Garfield

No I kept this hidden. Why? Well I honestly don't think I can write But I hope you enjoy my attempts at this story and yes Willow will arrive. Eventually.



Jomarch

Um wow I love your stories, so thank you for reading mine. Unfortunatly all the parts are short, but updates will be made regularly.



Mollyig

Yes Tara lives in darkness somewhat I am sure Sunnydale can change that though Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the story.



And now without further ado...



Part 2 (same disclaimers apply)



The darkness always calmed her. Comforted her. You could hide in darkness. Cover yourself in it, but never manage to hide completely. Tara remembered her mother showing her. Even though darkness seemed to rule the night it only took one tiny spark, one small particle of light to change that darkness. Darkness could be changed; light couldn’t on the other hand. Even if you tried to shield light it would find a way through. Therefore night, to Tara, was a time to search out the source of the light. Not to ponder on the dark. No darkness was ever total. She could always make out shapes and shadows even in her room.



Tonight though there was no time to search the darkness. Time had to be spent wisely. Planning. Running everything over in her mind. Tomorrow had to go perfectly. The consequences, otherwise, could be terrible. ‘No’ Tara corrected ‘they are already terrible. Tomorrow they could be deadly.’ She tried not to let her brain even think about what would happen if she were stopped. Easier said than done. Every movement of her body allowed Tara to feel what the possible outcomes would be.



‘I’ve got to pack, walk un-noticed to the bus station and I have all of my morning tasks to do.’ Tara closed her eyes and sighed. ‘This has to work. I can’t take much more. Momma, I can’t be strong enough to take any more. I want it to stop. I miss you Momma. Why did you leave me? I can’t do this by myself.’ A tear slipped down Tara’s cheek and she realised how alone she really was. The only person in her life to ever help her was gone. Now, only she could help herself. Tara lay on her bed; she let her mind remember some of the happier times in her life. A few words escaped from her lips and she instantly felt more at peace.



To some people magic could be a scary thing. True, some magic could also be scary to perform. It was the one constant thing in Tara’s life. Her mother had taught her the fundamentals of magic first; of which there were many; making sure that Tara had a firm base in Wicca before even attempting her first spell. After all magic had consequences and not all of them were pleasant. Therefore it should never be taken lightly. But with the proper respect, magic was a beautiful thing. It was an understanding that Tara treasured and hoped that one day her interests would be able to be shared with others. ‘That is if I can ever get up the courage to talk to them.’ Tara felt a small giggle rise up and erupt from her mouth and quickly smothered it with her hands. Giving away that she was still awake would not be a very clever thing to do.

-----------------------
You know, it's a real deal relationship and that's why people can relate to it
Amber Benson

Edited by: Puff  at: 7/23/02 4:36:02 pm

[Tiggrscorpio]

Hey, Puff, another great update.



I can't wait until Tara is out of there. If there was ever anyone meant to be in the light, it's Tara. When she gets to Sunnydale, Willow can be her spark to bring her into the light. I really am enjoying this. More soon, please!

*****

She's my everything!

[Thanatopsis]

Another interesting update. Looking forward to Tara getting out of there and onto brighter pastures.

--------------------
Too many of us live desert lives. ~Charles de Lint

[jomarch]

Nice update. I guess I will just wait patiently to see where you take us....So you're updating regularly, right??

[mollyig]

Poor Tara, she must feel so alone. This is so brave of her.



You've done a good job of showing us the loneliness, specifically by the description of the darkness and how she felt comfortable and at ease. Well done.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[Centauri2002]

Are you trying to make me cry? Oh it's so sad to see Tara so alone and vulnerable. I'll be glad when she's out of that place. Please update quickly to relieve poor Tara.

[FaithWL]

Woohoo, you promised an update, and here it isss :d

And it is as good as i expected. Keep up the good work. and you know how much i love this fic, but if you forgot i can always remind you in Yahell chat :p



*-XxX-* Stefanie (tara_maclay on Yahell, if ya forgot:p )

Tara: "There are 4 things i love... Willow, obviously, Sleeping, eating and showering."
Xander: "And preferbly all 4 combined?"
Buffy: "Xander!"
Xander: "What? Sleeping with Willow, showering with Willow and eating......uhm..never mind."

[Puff]

Just some quick responses before I head off to maths class, I hope to post part 3 when I get back.



Tiggrscorpio

Thanks for the kind words and I agree Tara belongs in the light



Thanatopsis

I'm not sure I have ever thought of Sunnydale as the greener side of the fence although it obviously is for Tara



Jomarch

Yes regualr updates will be happening and I hear that patience is a virtue



Mollyig

Thank you And I think Tara is incredibly brave, she always seems to have such inner strength.



Centauri2002

Sorry if I made you cry {hugs} I will update later today. I hope you enjoy the story



FaithWL

Nice to see you posting *waves* Thanks for those nice words and yes I'll update again soon.



Ok that's all for now, next time I'll be back with an update

-----------------------
You know, it's a real deal relationship and that's why people can relate to it
Amber Benson

[funkyasian]

interesting start...very dark indeed though. we don't see a lot of tara pre-sunnydale...sometimes that's not a bad thing at all...but it's always good to remember where she's been and how far she's come to be the light in the scooby gang. hope to see more soon.



steph

[Puff]

Title: Living in Shadows

Author: Puff

Feedback: This is my first and only attempt at a long story so if it sucks sorry. Please send comments etc to puff614@hotmail.com

Summary: Dark Tara centric story. Willow does appear but I am warning you there will be some badness. This is AU as well. That stands for my reality.

Spoiler Warning: None at all.

Disclaimer: I didn't create these characters. I do, however, love them. I'm not making any money off of them though.

Rating: R – G this part is PG-13 ish.

Notes: Thanks as always to my wonderful beta reader Drakkenfyre and {hugs} to Spuckie.



Part 3



The sun rose just like any other morning. But it wasn’t any other morning. No, this was a special morning. Tara pondered why the sun didn’t reflect that in it’s rising. Why it didn’t somehow rise from the west instead of the east. Why there wasn’t something to give away the fact that this morning was different.



She felt different. There was of course the cold and clammy feeling of terror surrounding her. That wasn’t going to go away. Today she also sensed a strength. A resolve that she would make her life change today and never let it go back to what it was before



Hearing the footsteps approach, her head automatically ducked causing her hair to hide her face. The footsteps carried on passed Tara; there seemed to be a spring in the steps. Were they happy? She listened. There was no sound other than the pulling out of a chair and then the sound of a body slumping into it. Tara held her breath. Then the sound of eating could be heard and the breath escaped her lungs in a tiny sigh.



A second set of footsteps could then be heard coming down the stairs; the sound was louder and harsher than the last set. Tara’s body tensed automatically. She felt herself being pushed roughly aside. Flinching as cruel hands touched bruised flesh. She didn’t make a sound. Keeping her body posture the same, willing the hands to just leave her alone. Please.



They did.



The sound of a second chair was heard and then almost instantly the sound of eating followed. How anyone could make that much noise when they ate marveled her. She was glad that her head was always down so she didn’t have to witness the event. Hearing it was bad enough.



It didn’t take long for the sound of eating to stop and then without a word to Tara the footsteps left. ’…58, 59, 60,’ her head slowly raised and she looked around the room. Alone. Alone finally felt good.



Wasting no time, Tara walked upstairs to her room and began collecting what she wanted to take. The amount of belongings seemed pitiful for a girl of 18. One small suitcase held everything. Clothes, bed sheets, a towel, books, a few candles, a picture of her mother, some herbs that had been carefully dried and hidden. The precious letter, paperwork that she thought would be needed, a blank book that she wanted to make into a journal, a few different colored pens and some crystals completed the belongings. The bus ticket and some money, as much as she could collect were placed carefully into a shoulder bag.



Should she leave a note? ‘What would it say anyway? I’ve gone. Please don’t ever look for me?’ No, no note.



Tara glanced around her room. One last look at the place that she had called home for eighteen long years. She felt a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. This was it. A new start. Turning quickly she left and walked down the stairs and out of the house, remembering to lock the front door on her way out.

-----------------------
You know, it's a real deal relationship and that's why people can relate to it
Amber Benson

[Tiggrscorpio]

And she's off. Wonderful. It made me smile that she had different colored pens in her suitcase. Foreshadowing? I hope so. Looking forward to more, Puff.

*****

She's my everything!

[funkyasian]

yes and she's off...but so sad that she would make it a point to remember to lock the front door when she leaves, as if she's afraid to get in trouble if she didn't. i just can't believe anyone would be so savage towards an innocent (speaking in general terms) *steph's climbing onto the soapbox* - what is it about beating women and children that gives these neanderthals the satisfaction of power? their own impotence? gets me to damn angry... : --> *okay, climbing off the soapbox before i go overboard with the sermon*



i can't wait to see tara's new life in sunnydale...meeting new people...meeting tara...ahhh...future is so good sometimes when you can look forward to one.



steph

[Thanatopsis]

Hooray, she's out of there. Looking forward to seeing what the future holds for her.

--------------------
Too many of us live desert lives. ~Charles de Lint

[mollyig]

The fact that her father and brother just came along ate what she had prepared and left without acknowledging her, shows how very much isolated she is in that house.



Glad she's off to make a better life for herself!

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[xita]

I love reading how Tara already had plans to get away and meet others she could practice magic with. It sets up what comes very nicely!

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Oooh Xita!" - Amber Benson

[Puff]

Just a bit of feedback. I hope to update with part 4 later today



Funkyasian

Tara should be proud of everything she has had to overcome in her life and yes more story is on it's way. Great to have you reading along andi hope you enjoy it



Tiggrscorpio

Glad I made you smile and yes lots of foreshadowing. Thanks for the kind words as always



Funkyasian

Don't get me started on the whole power issue either. And yes Tara can now look towards her future...if she can keep her past behind her.



Thanatopsis

Tara's future? Guess you're going to have to keep reading



Mollyig

Yes Tara is finally making a life for herself. Nice to see you still reading



Xita

Thanks Tara has many hopes of what her life could be like. Hopefully they will all come true.

-----------------------
You know, it's a real deal relationship and that's why people can relate to it
Amber Benson

[Puff]

Title: Living in Shadows

Author: Puff

Feedback: This is my first and only attempt at a long story so if it sucks sorry. Please send comments etc to puff614@hotmail.com

Summary: Dark Tara centric story. Willow does appear but I am warning you there will be some badness. This is AU as well. That stands for my reality.

Spoiler Warning: None at all.

Disclaimer: I didn't create these characters. I do, however, love them. I'm not making any money off of them though.

Rating: R – G this part is a G.

Notes: Thanks to my wonderful beta reader Drakkenfyre I hope you feel better soon And love as always to spuckie.



Part 4



The bus station was crowded. There were too many people and they kept jostling passed Tara occasionally bumping into her in their haste. Some would stop and apologize and Tara’s head would duck in shame. Shame of being noticed and also fear ‘what if someone recognizes me?’ Tara’s head swam with unpleasant thoughts and feelings that she tried to squash down.



‘5 minutes, the bus leaves in 5 minutes. Oh God, the bus leaves in 5 minutes and I haven’t found it yet.’ Her eyes scanned the boards looking for the Sunnydale bus. She could feel the seconds tick by. The panic started to weigh her down.



‘What if I can’t find the bus?’ Another person ran into her almost knocking her down, they grabbed at her arms to stop her from falling. Tara tried not to gasp and pull away, she tried not to even look at the person that was now apologizing and saying how sorry they were. She heard them leave. They sounded in a hurry.



2 minutes.



This is the last call for bus 17 leaving for Los Angeles and calling at Sunnydale.



Bus 17. Tara saw the sign for the bus. It was of course at the other side of the station. She grasped her suitcase in both hands hurrying over to the bus as fast as she was able.



“Ticket please.” A woman asked, barely glancing up at Tara as she reached the foot of the bus’s steps. Tara searched in her bag and carefully pulled out the ticket handing it to the woman.



‘Did she even look at the ticket?’ Tara wondered as the woman asked for her suitcase. Then Tara was free to go and choose her seat. Climbing on board the bus Tara looked up for the first time. It wasn’t that full and she was able to get a seat near the front and by a window. No one sat next to her and a minute later the bus engine started up.



“Welcome aboard bus 17 everyone,” Came the cheery voice of their driver “Our destination is Los Angeles and our next stop is Sunnydale. 5 hours till Sunnydale so you all just sit back and enjoy the view.”



Tara closed her eyes briefly feeling a warm sensation of peace wash over her. ‘So this is what is feels like to be safe.’ A tear rolled down her check as she left her hometown behind her. Not for what she had left, but for what she was going towards. A happy tear. It had been too long since she had last felt one of those.

-----------------------
You know, it's a real deal relationship and that's why people can relate to it
Amber Benson

[jessie 85uk]

yey, she has finally got out of there.

I really like this fic it's very intense. Im lookin forwards to the next part.

CJ

God created woman and she had three breasts. He then asked the woman, "Is there anything you'd like to have changed?"

She replied yes, you could get rid of this middle breast?"

And so it was done and it was good.

Then the women exclaimed as she was holding the third breast in her hand, "What can be done with this useless boob?"

And God created man.

[Tiggrscorpio]

Geez, Puff, for a minute there I thought she was going to miss the bus. 5 hours to a brand new life. And Willow's gonna be there, eventually. Yippee!

*****

She's my everything!

[mollyig]

Poor Tara, panic setting in when she couldn't find her bus. So this is what is feels like to be safe. The poor love.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[jomarch]

Just wanted to pop in and say great short updates. And yes, Tara is off to a good start!

-----------------------------


You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion